Uugh, life just seems so tedious recently. There's no point for me to wake up in the morning.
Okay, well as I type, my parents are fighting. Over the LCBO. [u]THERE'S NO FUCKING LOGIC IN THEIR ARGUMENTS!![/u] My dad is too arrogant to admit any possibility of him being wrong. At dinner tonight he REFUSED to believe that Mars has relatively the same surface temperature as Earth on an average winter day. (Which, by the way, it does. About +5 to -15 degrees Celsius). I wish they would just get a divorce. My dad would have alot less chest pains, and mom would be happier. So would I.
School isn't too enjoyable either. If I'm in a good mood, half of my friends aren't. And if I'm not, I bring them down. It's a horrible downward spiral. I'm seriously contemplating becoming a loner in order to make them happier.
Also, one of my friends, yesterday, her math teacher threatened that she was going to call her mother and tell her to take my friend out of cadets, because she doesn't have enough time to get her work done. Now see, the problem here is that my friend was FALSELY accused of stealing a car and inflicting bodily harm. She was charged with a ... 5 year sentence I believe, and the options were to either a) go to juvi for four years and then to kingston penitentiary for one year (because she would be an official adult) or b) stay in cadets until she's 19. Of course she took the latter. Now if she's pulled out of cadets, her parole officer is immediatley notified and she would be whisked off to jail in no time. But the good thing is, the captain (I think it's a captain, I dunno, the leader guy) refuses to pull her out because he knows what would happen and he knows she's a good kid and doesn't deserve it. Which is good.
My feelings to Geoff aren't subsiding at all. Words cannot describe how much I miss him each day. He's still in T.O. today, I think he may be on the train home right now though. I never did get up the guts to call his parents either. I really wanted to, and I'm not gonna call when he's home. Since he always answers the phone "Hello?" "Hey Geoff, can I talk to your mom?" I'm sorry, no. :? I would give anything to get him back. I kick myself each day, knowing that if I hadn't of been so DAMNED stupid, we'd still be together.
I have a chem test tomorrow, and we all know how good at chemistry I am! (pssst 37% on my first report card, and not from lack of trying, and last year I failed science). And I also have a math test on Thursday. The english, in-class essay is actually going well, I think it's the best way for me to write an essay. Otherwise I tend to procrastinate.
Since I'm finding life so hard right now, I try and find something each week to look forward too. This week, Mal should be coming over after school for a sleepover on Friday, which means we'll have some more good girl tears :cry: and bonding time :P. And February will be both hard, and fun.
Well I should probably do a bit more review, then my sit up, then bed time. I'm so ... freaking ... tired ... *yawn*
Okie dokie smokie. Let's see here .... Ah! Yes of course .... Thursday night ....
I was watching one of my faveorite shows (Without a Trace) which is on at 10:00 - 11:00 pm every Thursday. Both my dad and I watch it, but this week, my dad was tired and went to bed at about 10:30. So I stayed up and watched the rest of the show while talking on MSN (which, by the way, I'm not allowed to do. I've been grounded off of it until June 2004, after exams). At 11:00 I turned off the TV and started to sign off MSN. I was tired and I didn't want to stay up. So at about 11:02, my mother comes POUNDING down the stairs in a rampage. So I brace myself.
The conversation went something like this:
mom:Why the hell are you still up? me: I just finished watching my show, I'm getting off the computer now. mom: you shouldn't be up this late! me: well I'm going to bed
At this point, my mother flew into an insane insult freak out fest stating that I'm getting fatter by the minute, lazy as hell, practically a worthless pile of crap, I hibernate in my room (which I only do because I have MASSIVE ammounts of homework, and if I don't do it, she freaks at me) AND that I have no social skills. THAT'S the one that made me laugh. I have better social skills than she could ever dream of. She has NO friends of her own, she just has the friends of my dad's.
So that was my Thursday night. I think I told you kids about me staying after school for Sears fest again. Well I sorta confided in Chris and Mal agagin, and I'm kicking myself for breaking my promise to myself.
Friday was long .... and kinda a daze for me. Mal was having a really bad day,. because she's caught in the middle of all the issues her friends are having. Adn I feel like shit because there's nothing I can do. :cry:
At the end of the day there were the Lunchbox Theatre auditions. Debra, Tyler, Geoff and I are the producers of this little shin-dig so we stayed to "supervise" when all we did was play mao, the BESTEST FREAKING CARD GAME EVER!
Yeah, through all of that, I started to miss Geoff again. Also I realised how much I miss his family. So what I'm doing is on Monday or Tuesday, he'll be in TO for Insight, so I'm gonna call his mom up, just to see how they're doing.
Friday night I babysat again, and this morning I went bowling and made the reigional team finals!! We have such a kick ass team, we have a real shot of making Provincials! And the rest of the day was boring, I did personal hygene stuff and then I went babysitting again, which is where I am now.
Now I'm not sure if I've brought it up before hand, but Chris and I think we have some sort of psychic link. It's usually just when I feel bad, so does and and vice-versa. So lately when I've been depressed, I feel even worse for knowing I'm making him feel bad too. But we're trying to strengthen the link by sending positive thoughts or energy. So yeah, I'll keep you kids updated on that one.
Yeah, and so then, whenever people send me surveys, and I'm really really REALLY bored, I end up doing them and then sending them to my friends who say "Why are you sending me this??" lol. So yeah, Now I shall make all of you suffer through it too.
LAYER ONE: -- name: Kayla -- birthplace: Ottawa -- current Location: Ottawa -- eye color: greyish, greenish blue in the morning, and deep blue by the time I go to bed. -- hair color: brown -- height: 5'8" or somewhere round there -- righty or lefty: righty -- zodiac sign: not gonna say
LAYER TWO: -- your heritage: My family is Irish but I was born in Canada -- the shoes you wore today: my shoes with the stars .... oh wait, both of my shoes have stars .... my white ones, not the high tops -- your fears: SPIDERS, and being alone -- your perfect pizza: One that I can eat and doesn't make me gain 12381 lbs. lol -- goal you'd like to achieve: Broadway star (pfffft dream on) -- your most overused phrase on MSN: lol for sure.. -- your thoughts first waking up: I'll kill you clock ... AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO -- your bedtime: When I'm tired. It's set for 9:00 (by my mother) but she goes to bed at like ... 8:00. So I just stya up till whenever -- your favorite memories: grade 8 grad dance, all the plays I've been in, and Stratford
LAYER THREE: -- pepsi or coke: blegh, carbonated -- mcdonald's or burger king: mcdonald's -- single or group dates: single -- adidas or nike: yeah, cause I wear labels -- lipton ice tea or nestea: Nestea -- chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 'cause it's so versiatile -- cappuccino or coffee: screw that, white hot chocolate!!
LAYER FOUR: -- smoke: helllll no -- cuss: yes -- sing: all the time. not saying I'm good or anything, trust me I can tell when I break your ear drums. -- take a shower everyday: If I don't have my 12 minute shower first thing in the morning, my whole day is thrown off. -- have a crush: yes --do you think you've been in love: I know I have -- want to go to college: I've got nothing better to do ... -- high school: woo hoo, I love you MHS!! -- want to get married: Want to? Yea. Will I? Probably not ... -- believe in yourself: psssssht, I'll let you kids decide on that one. -- get motion sickness: no -- think you're a health freak: it's impossible if you live on a farm -- get along with your parent(s): Get along? Sometimes. Love? Yes -- play an instrument: I used to play piano and alto sax, but then, well I kinda stopped. Now I'm trying to learn acoustic guitar.
LAYER FIVE: in the past month... -- drank alcohol: no -- smoked: no -- done a drug: no -- made out: no -- gone on a date: no --gone to the mall: yes --ate an entire box of oreos: no -- eaten sushi: no -- been on stage: no -- been dumped: yes -- gone skating: no -- made homemade cookies: yes -- gone skinnydipping: no -- dyed your hair: no, but I want to -- stolen anything: no
LAYER SIX: ever... -- played a game that required removal of clothing: STRIP SOCK POKER!! lol, Once you lose both of your socks, you're out! Go Shane!! -- been caught "doing something": I got caught breathing once, does that count? -- been called a tease: yes -- gotten beaten up: yes -- age you hope to be married: what the hell?? "Ever age you hope to be married"?? -- numbers and names of children: I don't want kids, but I do love the name Matthew, I always have. -- describe your *dream* wedding: One where the groom shows up. --how do you want to die: well, since we're all fucked by cancer, euthenasia. --What do you want to be when you grow up: Broadway star. But realistically, I'll be the person down on Rideau street in front of the McDonnald's saying "Spare change?" -- what country would you most like to visit: All of Europe, Australia, and Canada.
LAYER SEVEN: in a significant other... -- best eye color? doesnt matter -- best hair color? doesnt matter -- short or long hair: um wings or shorter -- height: taller than me --best weight: not a stick (I like it when there's something there to hug ^^) --best articles of clothing: pants are always good ... -- best first date location: anywhere where you're together.
LAYER EIGHT: -- # of drugs taken illegally: none -- # of people i could trust with my life: most my friends -- # of CDs that i own: um .... 20 or so ... -- # of piercings: 4 -- # of tattoos: none -- # of scars on my body: yeah, cause I can count ... and bend that way ...
LAYER NINE: -- current clothes: blue plaid pants, blue striped tank top and my Eeyore house coat -- current mood: let's not go there -- current taste: salvia maybe? -- current hair: mine? -- current annoyance: me -- current thing you ought to be doing: homework -- current desktop picture: a polar bear picture my family friend took -- current book: like 5 .... Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, the Hobbit, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, MacBeth and Much Ado About Nothing .... oh, and Voyage of the Dawn Treader. -- current worry: yeah, 'bout that .... -- current crush: not saying, but everyone can probably figure it out anyway -- current favorite celebrity: HARRISON FORD BABY!!
Tuesday .... well I can't really remember too well, but I had a test in religions .... aaaaand when I got home that night, I worked on my FREAKING periodic graph art assignment from 3:00 pm - 12:00 am. It was such hell.
Yesterday I knew wasn't going to be fun because I woke up with a headache, and when I picked up my discman, the headphones were cut. So no music for me yesterday :?. The next was the on the radio, and it was annouced that Merivale High School had been moved to the top of the list for school closures. And since I live in the middle of nowhere, if the school closed, I wouldn't be going to school with ANY of my friends. So that added to the pile.
The rest of the day itself wasn't too bad. I had to babysit that night (after I had been outside for 2 hours in a skirt!!). And the kids were really troublesome. But $25 in my pocket and more money for Friday, 'cause I'm babysitting again. Oi. I went to bed again at 12:00.
Today was better for most of the morning. Our V.P. came on the announcements this morning, saying that there had been a media error and it was Merivale ELEMENTARY School that was going to be closed. So half of our class was cheering and that made me feel much better. Classes were uneventful.
After school was the real kicker.
After school I .... a) found out my friend got a new girlfriend b) found out my friend slit his wrists earlier in the week c) found out how strong my feelings for Geoff still are d) found out that he [u]apparently[/u] cares about me, and just wants me to be happy e) found out alot of other stuff about my friends f) felt like crap the rest of the day
So yeah. All of my thoughts are muddeled in my head so I can't even write anymore.
Okay. Today ... well I was happy most of today. Except ....
I discovered today that Chris (Mal's ex) has started smoking. I have nothing against smokers. My dad is a smoker. HOWEVER. When you've known someone as long as I've known Chris, and discussed what a disgusting habit it is on many occasions, (we actually talked about it when he visited me at work on Sunday), you kinda have a right to be pissed off. Also, alot of people I know well smoke, but they were smoking BEFORE I met them, so there's nothing I could have done. He says he's gonna quit after this pack. I say bullshit. It's not that I hope he doesn't, I just know that people can get addicted after their first puff, and he's gonna go finish a pack then quit cold turkey? Pffffft, yeah right.
I know that it's not my place to try and influence other people's life choices, but for those of you that DO smoke, I'd like to point out what a disgusting habit it is and how much of a turn off it is to most people. I have never smoked ANYTHING in my life, and I don't plan on it. You're probably saying "Well good for you, now FUCK OFF!" I don't blame you. It's your life and your choices. But if you DO want to quit, remember, you have friends and family who are willing to support you and there are groups at some high schools, and if you're 19+ and in Ontario there's a Stop Smoking Contest out. (to limit this contest to those over 19 I think is extremly stupid, but hey, that's the government for ya.There's commericals on TV, so look for them and check out the website.) You're killing yourself slowly. Every time you cough, remember that.
*** smokers, please don't eat me! I'm just trying to ensure that your life is as long and prosperous as it should be! ***
Yeah, so basically all of Chris' friends who DON'T smoke (ie: me, Geoff, Heather, Megan, Katie, Sarah, and the list goes on) are pissed at him, which is why I think he's gonna quit. Well I wouldn't say pissed, but very ... disapointed I guess would be the best word. I dunno, I just hope he quits.
Other than that today was ... boring actually. We did nothing in ancient civs. or law, had a test in world religions, lunch, art and english I did nothing (except beat on Geoff for a bit in english) and drama we choreographed a poem and a bit more beating. It was a really dull day.
I got home and worked on my math assignment until dinner, then worked some more until I was told to tie the dog up, which was when I decided to take a break and do something else for a while. I've worked on graphing trig functions for a total of ... about 5 1/2 to 6 hours today. Oi, and I still have math HOMEWORK and chem to do.
So on that note, I think I'll bid thee all good night.
Saturday I went bowling, and in the afternoon my friend Dawn came over to work on our English project. We ended up working on the project for about 45 minutes, but it got done all the same, and she ended up sleeping over. That night we were online and I convinced my mother to give me her VISA card, and buy tickets for the Nickelback, Staind and Three Days Grace concert!! That the best part is I'm in the upper nosebleed section! I think it's hillarious! Either way, I'm gonna be there!!
Man, this February is gonna bee soooo great. Okay, I've got 1) MacHomer on the 5th (it's a one-man show of MacBeth, but done as all of the Simpsons characters) 2) Montreal trip with my art class on the 6th 3) My friend Meagan sleeps over on the 12th 4) P.A. Day on the 13th 5) Nickelback on the 13th (I'm taking Meagan) 6) John Pizzarelli Meets the Beatles on the 25th(its some show at the NAC having to do with music. I have no clue what it's about, but hey! I get out of school for a day!!) 7) BNL concert on the 16th See? What an awesome month! The only days that are gonna suck are the 14th (Valentines Day) and the 17th (what would have been our 4 month). Oh well, at least they'll be over within a few days of eachother.
Sunday was work, and it was damned boring. The only interesting thing that happened was that my Friend Chris (Mal's ex-bf) visited me for a couple of hours. Oh yeah!! I work at a bowling alley during rock-n-bowl and there's black lights right? Well, Chris bleached his hair a while back, and we were walking out, and I looked over at him, his hair was glowing!! It was sooooo funny!
Today was fine. The school was fixed ... the pipes that is, except we can't go in the library for a couple of days, 'cause they need to re-organize the books and stuff (a pipe exploded in the library too, so all the books had to be moved and in the commotion, they never kept any order.)
Even though we never really talked over the weekend, Geoff and I were really good. I wish we were better, but I screwed up, so that'll never happen again. I asked him near the end of English today what his answer to the question I asked him on Friday was, and he couldn't remember. So he asked me to ad-lib it, but I didn't want to, 'cause I was so proud of the wording I used ^^, I wanted for him to see the question exactly. So when I got home, I came online and gave him the question:
[i]Geoff, what do you want? I really mean that. I guess I just don't kow how to deal with depression. But what do you expect? I loved you, I think I still do. How do I stop? You don't expect nme to take this easily do you? I know it's been a while since you broke it off, but I'm slow at recovery. Each day I find something new to miss. Do you understand that? How did you feel about that? I mean, was it easy for you when Mal broke it off? You told me yourself that you didn't go to anyone for comfort. I'm trying to get you to see MY perspective of this. I don't want ME being stupid end up breaking up any chance of us to be friends. [/i]
It's bascially a summary of all of the questions from the MSN convo on Friday. And still, he hasn't answered. He went offline. :( . Oh well, whatever, we're friends, GOOD friends. And That's all I want .... for now. :wink:
Wow, today's is gonna be short. lol, I'll give you kids a break after the long one I had on Friday.
Okay, so today was pretty good, cause the school exploded!! And by exploded, I mean that a water main broke, so we had to go home at 10:40 :D .
Before this, it wasn't too bad. Math was long and boring, and uneventful. World Religions wasn't bad, but a valley hit (a valley would be a fit of depression, y'know the term peaks and valleys?) right in the middle of the film that was playing. So I went to the back of the room, turned on my discman, and sat there. Geoff looked back at me a couple of times, kinda looking concerned, but I couldn't tell really.
Between classes, I ran into Chris, Mal's ex. He hugged me, and Geoff came up from behind looking for a hug too. Chris looked at him, then Erica came too.
Geoff: Chris, gimmie some sugar... Chris: *hugs me* Erica: Chris can I have a hug? Geoff: No me first! Either Erica or me Chris! Chris: *hugs Erica* Geoff: *makes fake, hurt gasp and walks to bio*
At this point, while Geoff was walking away, I said to myself, Erica and Chris
Me: How does it feel to be rejected Geoff?
I know it was kinda uncalled for but I felt like the shits. At that point, I started bawling full force. Alot of my problems came out and I felt really bad for dumping them on Erica and Chris. Either way, Chris and Erica comforted me (thanks guys ^^) and Chris took me to class. (He was only there to donate blood, and he didn't have to for a while anyway).
So, there was about 20 minutes left in class and our principal comes on the annoucements and says, "A watermain has broken in the 2nd floor L-wing, teachers are to keep all students in their classrooms. We will update you on a regular basis." About 10 minutes later, we were sent home. But since I live in the middle of frickin' nowhere, I had to go to a friends place. So we all went to Andrew's house.
After a while, I went onto the computer with Chris and Andrew sitting on either side of me. I signed online, and lo and behold, Geoff's on. So of course I start talking to him.
Black naiad is me (duh) and Tai Shwing Pek Kwar is Geoff.
[i]-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> sweet, school exploded ^^
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> where'd you go after?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
home
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
you?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> we went to harveys, then to the mall, and now i'm at andrews avec ....
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> katie, andrew, chris, mal, mandy, stick boy, cindy, erica aaaand i think thats it (chris: you) but i think thats already implied
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
what about me?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> well, you're not here are you?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> you COULD have come
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> but we never saw you
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya so basically i couldn't have come
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
if you saw me and then i said no, THEN i COULD have come
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> .... now I'm lost
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
see if i knew about the i could have come, but i didn't so i couldn't
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
hows that miss i'm so simply like
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> okay THAT makes sense to me
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> lol
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
small minds confuse easily
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> ouch
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> you cut me, you cut me real deep just now
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
aha aha aha...Get Out
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> ouch
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> where am i supposed to go? obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH and DENNIS
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
umm?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> choose one
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
can i kno what's going on first?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> You enter a room. Ye seeth ye FLASK behind ye SCROLL. Obvious exits are NORTH SOUTH and DENNIS
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
and this is for?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> (ssshhhh its from a strong bad email, now just answer )
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ahh....no
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> awww why not?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris says hi, and so does Andrew and Erica
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
tell chris he's a son of a bitch
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
say hi to andrew and erica for me
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: ... wwhat? ....why? *kinda whiny*
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
you...tell him...he's a S-o-n o-f a b-i-t-c-h
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I DID!! He's right here!!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> So, why is he a SOB??
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
cuz he didn't hug me
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
and hugged erica
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> aw muffin
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
you shut it
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> what?!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> geez, you get cranky
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
that was a joke
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> i know
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> so was that
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
sureee
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> oh don't you patronize me mister
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> *shakes fist*
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: All I did was NOT hug him ... I can hug him another day ....
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> AND GEOFF'S RESPONSE IS??
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> *dramatic pause*
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
same as b4
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> and that would be?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
he's an sob
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: I love you too ..... fuck face
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
good work chris
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: qwerty
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Ohh whatdya say to that?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: moose
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Andrew: Shut yo fucking face, unclefucka. Your an asslicking unclefucking unclefucka. You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn just fuck yo uncle all day long.
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> *insert MSN blushing face* sorry 'bout that
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
y the blushing face?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
it's a song
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> i dunno, i felt like it
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> are you trying to bar my emotions?? are you??
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
i think some1 needs some chill time
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> *is cold*
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: What the hell is chill time??
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
it's when you go and sleep in the freezer chris
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
try it
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: I'll try it later .... after you
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
no no
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
i rarely test my own theorum
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: ...do you test your own .... theorum without the theo??
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
i don't make basement rum
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> What about attic rum?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
that business fell thru
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
right thru the ceiling
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> nice job
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
nope it isn't anymore
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: Use less Hydrochloric Acid
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ur supposed to use that?!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
damn!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
there's the problem
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> what were you using??
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
not that
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> What was is?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
what was, is?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> *mandy in the background* FUCK!!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
very prfound
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
*profound
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> oi, chris said that just now too, you know what i meant!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
hmm humus and tabouleh*drool*
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> i see
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: He drools alot doesn't he?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Andrew: Is he labotomized?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
mental retardation
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> *as Chris sleeps in my palm* from what??
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
you!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> oh, ouch, I wasn't THAT detrimental to you was I??
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
you better believe it
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Ouch, that hurts.
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I shall say no more
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> on this topic
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
Game, Set and Match!
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> oh, but no
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> i just wish to not continue
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
therfore...
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
Game, Set and Match!
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Sure, whatever floats your boat
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
that'd be water
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> It sinks mine
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya thas y u don't punch holes in it
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Oh, I don't punch, it just rots away beneath me
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya when u make it outta cardbord it'll do that
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> nope, wood
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> no wait ... iron
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
see thas what we call blocking u'd do bad in drama if you did that
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
and especilly in improv too
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Good to know
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> as i sit here in a sinking boat
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
well your at least your going down with the ship
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> i can't leave
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> well i can
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> but
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> no
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
oh and y's that
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> cause, i cant
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
but you said u can
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> cause people wouldnt be happy
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> but i would
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
if you stayed or if you left?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
(would ppl be happy if..)
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> theyd be mad both ways, but in different ways
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
oh and hows that[/i]
If any of you have MADE it this far, first of all, congrats, and second of all, this is me being metaphorical. The boat is my life and I'm implying that I'm trapped in it. I could leave (die) but people would be upset, and when I stay, people just get mad at me. If I hadn't of been so [u]damned[/u] stupid, none of this conversation would have happened! Anyway, dear reader, continue ...
[i]-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Cause one way they're mad at me for being me, the other way they're mad cause i'm not me
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> or just not
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
hmm ok...
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
and that has to do with going down with a ship how?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Everything, I'm being metaphorical at the moment. And also quite serious
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
yeesh
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
what;s with you
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
i was jokin around
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Yea, that's obvious, but i'm not in the greatest mood and i've been contemplating stuff *Types this as andrew randomly yells "SEX" and then runs from the room*
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
no offence but when aren't you in a bad mood
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: Go fuck yourself (this in defence of Kayla ... from Chris)
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> i didn't type that
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> well i did, but from him
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
yea i got that
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> and i am not in a bad mood
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> usually
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> just recently
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
well like all week
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
all last week
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
during twelth night
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> During twelfth night, i had those random days from my mother, so thats why in twelfth night. family problems
During Twelfth Night, my mother was CONSTANTLY pissed off at me, so I dreaded going home. Read on ...
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ok 1 thing accounted to family
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
before twelth night
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> ???
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> okay
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> don't remember that one
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya well i do
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I have my good and bad days. Just like everyone else. Just recently they've mostly been bad
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
and you seem to have many more of the latter than other ppl
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I can't help that.
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
the hell you can't
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Chris: I don't think she has many more, she just doesn't cover it up like most ppl
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> What do you mean by that?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
by?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> The hell I can't
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
the hell you can't help it
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> okay, so i don't know how to deal with depression. and it usually kicks me in the arse
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya and you should try opening up a little more get some of your problems off your back
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> but I don't think I should. I don't think it's right
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
what's not right about it?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya got nothing do ya?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> What do you mean 'I got nothing'? I don't think that I should dump my insignificant little problems on my friends when their probems ammount to so much more. They shouldn't have to worry about me
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
see but when it gets your friends mad at you when you don't tell them what's wrong, then you've got a big problem
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> But they're not mad. Meagan was just like "meh heh, I wanna know." Now i never told her whats wrong, and she's not mad at me.
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
did i say meagan?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
no
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> well then who's mad at me?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
what does it matter to you?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> because I care about my friends, and i can tell them stuff that will make them not mad, but still not dump on them
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
but your friends want to help you, but you won't let them in, i mean dear god meagan is like your best friend and you wouldn't even tell her
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> cause she has bigger problems
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> whenever i dump on people, i always end up hurting someone else
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
u say she has bigger problems how do you know this?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> because i've pryed it out of her
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya because u wanted to know!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
and she wanted to know!
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> shes also figured it out ... because most of it is obvious
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya but you should talk to your friends instead of making them figure it out, what kinda friendship is that?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> like i said i ALWAYS hurt people when I tell my problems
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
you keep bringing this up so let's see, how exactly do you hurt ppl?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Well, last week, when i was upset, and missed my bus. I stayed after school and helped Chris with his lines right?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
uh uh
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Well, one of my bad habits happens to be that when I'm depressed I tend to latch onto my closest male friends for comfort
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> and it happened to be Chris
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya so?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> and I ended up hurting Mal
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
how di you hurt her?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
*did
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> She got really upset because of seeing me with Chris[/i]
This isn't ENTIRELY true. I [u]really[/u] over simplified in order to get my point across. So sorry if the story is skewed Mal :? I also was really pre-occupied with Andrew running through his sisters loot bags over and over.
[i]*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
no she didn't
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
she got upset because chris was no longer telling her anything
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> and she thought he was showing more affection to me than to her
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
she told you that?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> yes
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> and wrote it in her blog
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
and thas not your fault
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
at all
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Well it is kinda
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
if anything it's his fault
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
it's none of your fault
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> but if I hadn't of gone to him for comfort, she wouldn't have gotten mad
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> and she was mad
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> trust me
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
no see she was still mad at chris
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
doesn't matter if you'd gone to him or not
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> but it triggered it, she was crying because of that on the way home. This is what she told me so I'm going by this
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
she was mad at him even b4 then end of x-mas break
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Well I'm getting different info than you
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> she wasn't uspet
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> just kinda worried
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> like I was
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
she talking to me and she was like screaming
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Okay, I wasn't told about this
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
so you see telling ppl your problems doesn't hurt ppl
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> it also guilt trips me though
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
but it gets it off your back and it'll help with the depression
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> But I can't go to people. Even if I wanted to, me telling them my prob;ems just make me re-think who my freinds are. 'Cause alot of them don't help. They don't know what to say, then change the subject
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
fine then get a feaking psychiatrist!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
or go to meagan or one of your really close friends
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> but they just change the subject. I'm sorry, you're getting mad
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
i've been mad the whole time!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
wel, not really but i can sure act mad!
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> lol
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Just a question, why are you worried about me?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
well i thought we were gonna stay friends! Friends help each other, but i'm just getting fet up with your shit.
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I want to stay friends! You know that, I've said so. But I just dont think I should come to you with my problems. Seeing as how they consist of most you anyway.
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya well then i dunno
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
i'm tired of helping the depresed and lonely
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Look, I'm sorry. I truly am. If it'll make people happier I'll attempt to put a happy face on.
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
no!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
get help!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
talk to ppl!
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
don't just hide it!
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Fine you want me to talk to you?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> You're here now I might as well tell you whats wrong
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
i'm done being the shoulder of the world
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Shit, I'm sorry. I never wanted this. I don't want you mad at me.
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya well it's seems the boat has sailed
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> And that means what?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
that i already am
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I'm sorry! Come back to port! I don't know what to do. The last thing I need is you mad at me
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I can't get professional help
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I need money for that
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Please respond
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
ya what
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Okay look. I'm sorry, I've been selfish and iI guess I've been (apparently) dragging my friends down with me. None of them deserve to feel what I feel like right now. Next time someone asks me what's wrong, I'll tell them
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
yes you have and i'm glad to here that
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> And by the way, Chris DOES know whats wrong, for the most part anyway.
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> We have a psychic link
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
did i ever say he didn't?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I don't know, probably not, but I thought you should know that I have told someone some of my problems
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
well good
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I'm sorry. Does that make you any .... un-mad at me?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
not really
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> What can I do. I've done all I can at the moment. Unless I go take Chris into another room and basically yell and have him sit there and listen to me
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
you don't undertand the true concept of anger in me do you?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
it's hard to provoke and even harder to absolve
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Well if its harder to absolve, you probably know how to fix it. Please, you know I dont want this. If you're mad at me this will just add to my problems.
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I can only say "I'm sorry" so many times. And each time I've meant it.
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
sorry just doesn't cut it sometimes
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Okay Geoff what do you want?! I'm trying to get better. I will get better. I always do. It just takes a while longer for me than the average person. Please. DON'T BE MAD.
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
it's too late i am
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Geoff, what do you want? I really mean that. I guess I just don't kow how to deal with depression. But what do you expect? I loved you, I think I still do. How do I stop? You don't expect nme to take this easily do you? I know it's been a while since you broke it off, but I'm slow at recovery. Each day I find something new to miss. Do you understand that? How did you feel about that?
*~Tai Shing Pek Kwar* "Got Nothing But Air Beneath The Hair" - Ron Stoppable says:
about?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> What the heck do you think?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I mean, was it easy for you when Mal broke it off?
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> I'm trying to get you to see MY perspective of this. I don't want ME being stupid end up breaking up any chance of us to be friends.
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Cause that would suck, alot
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Please respond
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> pwease *attempts to look cute*
-=:{ßläçk Ñåîád}:=- --- [sXe]< --- Sinking into my own world of depression ... I'm lost and can't find my way back. I miss you says:> Okay Geoff, well my mom is going to pick me up soon. I ask you to NOT be mad at me. I truly am sorry. Please answer my question in an email, cause if you don't I'm going to ask you later. I'm sorry. I'll ttyl[/i]
After that, not too much happened. I went home and did nothing really.
Yea, since this is so long, I think this shall be the end of the blog for today.
Well today was like any other day. Well for me in the past *counts* 2 weeks.
Once again I spent most of the day being quiet, depressed and close-to-tears each time I saw Geoff. There's really nothing I can tell myself that will help me either. Nor can anyone else. He's in four of my classes. FOUR! (By the way, I'm NOT semestered, so that makes half of my schedule is with him, and each day I either have 1/3, or 2/3 of my day with him. Today was four classes in a row.) It's not fun. At all. All I want to do is hug him, or have him hold me around the waist again (by the way, for any guy who's reading this, girls [u]love[/u] that, the whole waist thing.) but it's not possible.
At the end of February, he's leaving for ... 2 days for TO with his theatre troupe. The thing is, before the breakup I was looking forward to it, because he'd of called me from TO, and I could look forward to seeing him come back. Also, there's two shows at the NAC (National Arts Centre) that we're going to see. I'll bet I'll be thinking of Stratford throughout most of it. That's the school trip where he finally asked me out in October. At each show we sat beside eachother, and he held me, and kissed me gently. And this was even before he asked me out. Geez, I hope I don't cry [u]now[/u].
In two days (the 17th) it would have been our 3 month. Saturday will be the shits.
Other than that, today we finally got our Religions project on Satan mark. 98%! If it wasn't for the average peer mark being 9.5/10, we would of had PERFECT! Oh well, it'll boost my religions mark. And I guess it shows that even after a breakup, we can still work well together, which is reassuring.
But just enough to bring me down was that one of my best friends, Meagan, is mad at me because I refuse to confide in her. If you remember, a while back, I vowed to myself to not confide in anyone anymore. So now she seems pissed. And I don't want that. I think it's the best thing for everyone if I don't burden them with my problems. But I have this to say.
Meagan, if you happen to read this, I want to appologize. I don't intend on making you offended by not telling you what's bothering me. It has nothing to do with the trust factor between you and I. You are one of my best friends, therefore I trust you greatly. I just don't want to dump on people. I'm sorry. I think I should be able to deal with my own problems.
The first Improv club meeting was today at lunch. I passed my co-head position over to Geoff (man, why is he in my life so much?) because he's had more improv experience. Plus I could tell he wanted it. I missed most of the meeting for the school swim team party, medal giving thingy. And I finally get to go to the athletic banquet this year! :) So anyway, back to improv. The first meeting is Wednesday after school. Even though I'm not co-head anymore, I'll be there on any extra rehearsals, which will probably be Thrusdays. Why? 'Cause I'm a drama freak and I have no life!
Drama was kinda boring today actually. We did a timed writing to a song yesterday, and today we were put in groups to take the best parts of our timed writing, put them together and make them into a poem. And lo and behold! Guess who's group I was in? If you said a mongoose, you have the same mind as me! (If you actually did, run!! You don't want a life like mine). If you said Geoff, *ding ding ding* you'd be riiiiight! It wasn't going to be bad at the beginning, 'cause Debra was there. But then Mr. Mo changed the groups around 'cause a girl the other day so he wanted to put her into our group for the exchange of someone else. It didn't go badly until I said something (I don't remember what exactly) and he said so coldly "Ugh, just shut up". I thought I was gonna crack right there. :cry: It's one of the worst feelings in the world to have the person you (still :oops: ) love disgusted at you.
Mr. Mo recently, it seems, has been very concerned with my well-being. He knows about the break-up. If I hadn't of told him, he would have noticed anyway. We used to sit together all the time in drama (Geoff and I that is, Mr. Mo sits next to me more now :?) Today after class he asked how I was doing (he did it earlier in class, and a few times last week.) And I just said I was fine. He asked if there was anything he could do. These were his exact words:
"Do you want something? You want a present? You want me to buy you a present? No? Do you want me to ... beat somebody up?"
It was funny, and he did manage to get me to crack a smile. But all I said was:
"No sir, but thank you for caring." And I left.
So that was pretty much my day. Other than watching the Breakfast Club after school. Good movie.
I'm going to go eat now, then maybe call Meagan, she if she'll talk to me.
Well it's over. Chris ended his relationship with Mal this morning. And Mal is taking it surprisingly well. She didn't cry once (in my presence) today. She's a tough little kid. I think I'm more depressed about Geoff still, than she is about Chris.
Mal, like I said yesterday, I want you to know, that I'm here for you. I feel your pain (not to your extent, but I want to help). I love you so much and if you do anything stupid, I don't know what I'd do. You've helped me stay alive for the past month, and I want to thank you for that. That's a gesture I will never forget, no matter what happens. So don't be afraid to come to me for help.
When she told me this morning, I was thinking about it during math, and I realised that both of our relationships lasted 2 months and 12 days! :?. It was so creepy. I told Geoff this, and he responded "Of course! Chris does everything in 2 week intervals after me!" And it's true. He asked me out on the 17th, and Chris asked her out on the 31st. Geoff though about breaking up with me for about 2 weeks, so did Chris, and today is exactly 2 weeks since Geoff broke up with me.
Other than that, my day was iffy. Law sucked, 'cause Geoff was there, and for some reason, he was so freaking hot today. (I don't care what ANYBODY else says. [b][i][u]I[/u][/i][/b] think he's gorgeous.) English was fun. Terri, Dawn, Geoff, Mal, Jade and I were all talking about nothing. AND IT WAS FUN.
I stayed after school again for the Sears festival rehearsal to stay with Mal. She was doing well, I was doing about the same. Our ex-men are hot when they're acting. Well it's magnified. :( Geoff's so damn sexy when he's acting. I know I've said that a million times BUT I'M GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN AND AGAIN. :twisted:. Ha.
I was talking to Geoff again later this evening, and he was responing for a bit, but then he just started saying to everything I said: Your Message Could Not Be Delivered As Requested. We Are Sorry For The Inconvienience. And that made me feel really shitty. And I quote in my conversation to Mal:
Mal: Guys are puke-heads Me: no, I'm just a pile o' shit
I was seriously contenplating slitting my wrists tonight, but I thought better of it. Only because my mother is home.
I dunno, today wasn't too eventful, it was very depressing. So most of it is all melded together and anything really funny has kinda been wiped from my memory.
Aw fuck! My friends boyfriend just dumped him! (Yes, I said [u]he[/u] dumped [u]him[/u]). This day is shit. They were going out for 5 months too!
Well this day has gone down the crapper. I think I'll leave it here.
IT'S OVER!! IT'S FINALLY FREAKING OVER!! I finally presented my project in Religions today! And it went really well too! The only thing that people are telling me could have been improved on was that we were reading from the sheet for most of it. And that was mainly my fault, because all of the information wasn't finalised until last night. Geoff never even got to read it until the beginning of class today. Other than that it went really well.
Okay, so our project was on Satan in Christianity and Satanism. And the symbol of the religion (well the least offensive one) is the inverted pentacle -
[image]World Religions - Pentagram.bmp[/image]
which is exaclty the same as the symbol for Wicca. The only difference is that the star in the circle is flipped so that there is only one point pointing up, as opposed to two. The points pointing up represent the horns of the devil. In Wicca there are different meanings for each point. One is Spirit, Earth, Water, Fire and Wind, and the other...well I seem to have forgotten it at the moment :? . BUT ANYWAY. The point is I made sure to make the difference obvious, due to one individual in my class.
Kim is nice enough, however I happen to have a great personality clash with her, and no matter HOW hard I try, I can't like her. At all. She agrivates me to great ammounts, and I find that if I avoid her at all costs, I won't blow up at her. She happens to be Wiccan, and I have NO problem with that. I have several friends who are Wiccans and I have NO problem with any other religion either as long as you're not hurting yourself or others (ie. Nasiism *has an anti-Nasi patch on her bag :D*). On my poster, I used the above image because I found it to be much less offensive than the inverted cross. I would must prefer to offend the 3 Wiccans in my class than the 15 Christians.
Now to tell how Kim comes into this. I walked into class with my poster board in hand (which was pretty damned good if you as me :wink: ) and it had an inverted pentacle in each corner. Kim walks up to me and taps me on the shoulder;
Kim: Why did you use the pentacle? Me: I didn't. I used the inverted pentacle. Kim: It's the same thing
Now at this point I would like to point out that in grade 9 english, we had to create a Pandoras Box, and in hers she put a pentacle. SHE HERSELF, described the differences between the pentacle and the inverted pentacle. How the inverted one is COMPLETELY different from the regular one. Therefore, I had the right to beleive that it wouldn't offend her.
Me: No it isn't. One is for Wicca, the other is for Satanism. Kim: So? It still offends me! Me: Well, I'm sorry if it offends you Kim, I had no intention to. But I got this off a Satanist website, so I beleieve my sources to be acurate, so your argument has no grounds. Kim: Well why didn't you use the *insert proper term here, I can't remember what she said* (one with the face)? Me: Because I found this one to be more effective for my presentation. Besides, this one is just as prominent as the other one. Kim: Well couldn't you have used the inverted cross? Me: No, I couldn't. Because this one is FAR less offensive. Kim: Well it still offends [u]ME[/u].
At this point class started, so Mr. Popplewell started talking. It's a good thing he did because I was about to blow up at her. And throughout our entire presentation, she gave Geoff and I the DIRTIEST looks I've ever seen her give. People were asking me if I thought she was hexing me. (Which you can't do in Wicca). And the thing is, just for a precaution, I put the following paragraph:
[i]I know that there are a few Wiccans in here, and for both their and our benefit, I would like to point out that Wiccans are NOT Satanists. Wiccans and other Neopagans are often confused with devil worshipers. There total about 250,000 in the United States. They follow a nature based religion, not unlike Native American spirituality. Neopagans worship a God and a Goddess, but do not recognize the existence of an all-evil deity such as the Christian devil. Wicca is a polytheistic Neo-Pagan nature religion inspired by various pre-Christian western European beliefs, whose central deity is a mother goddess and which includes the use of herbal magic and benign witchcraft. [/i]
I just KNEW she'd freak. I said at the beginning of that paragraph "I realise that I have already offended Kim, and I'm sorry, I had no intention on doing that." I looked right at her when I said that, and I thought flames were going to shoot out of her nostrils. I could see the flames in her eyes.
After the presentation, I spoke with the other Wiccans in the class and they said that they were not at all offended, and appriciated my defining the differences between the two religions. I talked to a few of my Satanist friends too and they also agreed, and said "That's just stupid, she has no reason to be mad." So, I feel no guilt at all.
Ah, now that THAT'S off my chest ....
I'm glad I got to do the project with Geoff. It gave us a chance to somehow salvage our friendship. Though it was EXTREMLEY difficult to keep myself from crying at times (well, the times I managed to hold it back anyway), and just hard to see him, I think it was good for me. It's till hard to see him in class (especially drama) but it's slowly fading. I hate to admit it, but I think I still love him. :oops:
Well, I think that most of you who read my blog are probably dying for this to end. So That will be all for now.
Sunday night, 9:37 pm, do YOU know where your sanity is? I know I sure don't. lol. For some reason, I'm actually in kind of a good mood tonight, and I have no clue why!
Okay, so yesterday I had to bowl (as usual) then I came home and worked forever on my bloody crapload ammount of homework. My family later had a mass for my Poppa and I was forced ... well not forced, but I didn't enjoy it, to go to church. For those of you who DON'T know, I am atheist. I have many good reasons as to why. I'll post my religions essay thing up which will explain all. So yeah, I was at church, almost fell asleep, then came home and entertained people until 12:30, at which point I went to bed.
This morning I had to wake up at 6 am so I could go to Renfrew for a bowling tournament (YBC (Youth Bowling Council) Singles Regional Champs) and I didn't do badly, but I was so tired that if I had of gotten more sleep, I would likely have done better. Maybe even placed. Ah well.
After the tournament (I bowled for about 5 1/2 hours straight) we came home and I didn't get through the door until about 5:00 pm. Man I was tired. There and back I did homework, so that got me a head start.
I'M FINALLY DONE MY RELIGIONS PROJECT!! Man the poster is soooooo pretty, I'm pretty proud. I feel bad though. This is the project that I'm partnered with Geoff with. And he sent me all of the info he/we found and just kinda expected me to re-arrange it so its worthy of presentation. I found a whole crapload of info and added it. I'm not even sure how much of his I took out. I don't think too much though. He sent me a page and a half, and we now have like almost 4 pages. So I think I just deleted random useless crap. So maybe it'll be better.
Last night my cousin kept asking about Geoff. I don't know how he found out about him, so I told him what happened and he kept asking "WHO DUMPED WHO?!" and it really got me down. So when I finally got him to shut up about that, he started saying "That's gay" over and over. And for anyone who knows me, they know I hate when people say that, due to the fact that half of my friends are gay. (I'm known as the MHS Gay Magnet ^.^). So I told him to stop that after a while. I mean, once or twice is okay, its a saying now and it just kinda slips its way into your vocabulary, so I let it slide, but he was saying it like LITTERALLY 5 times a minute.. after I told him to stop saying that, he started calling his sister a fag. Now that just made me freak.
A fag, for those who don't know, is either a) a bundle of sticks used to burn witches or b) homosexuals who were placed at the bottom of wooden stakes where witches were tied and were lit on fire. The flames from the homosexuals would ignite the witch and thereby, in the midevil persons mind, kill 2 birds with one stone. So basically, it's terribly offensive, and I don't stand for shit like that.
So that's my weekend. I hope to have a better week than I did this past week. I wish the same for all of you!
Every class this week that I had with Geoff has been a big hell hole for me. Each time I hear him speak, or see him, I get this feeling in my chest and stomach. I hate it. 4 classes with the kid. And he only has 7 classes! Oi. It would be better if I knew that he hurt. I don't think he does at all though. What's really gonna suck is when he does his english presentation next week. There are groups of people and we have to choose scenes from MacBeth and present them. Geoff chose one by himself, and I love him when he's acting. I think it's so attractive. So you can imagine how bad drama is for me eh?
So I've been in a slump of depression like for 2 weeks now almost ... and on Tuesday this week I ran into Chris (Mal's boyfriend [http://malibu87.tblog.com]) and I've known the kid since grade 1. Since this was the first time he had seen me since the break up, he comforted me with a few hugs. I ended up missing my bus and sticking around for the Sears festival play rehearsal. Chris didn't actually have to be there, so I said I'd stay and help him with his lines.
Now for those who don't know me, when I go through a loss of some sort that is very major to me, I tend to latch on to the closest male (in both proximity and friendship wise) for comfort. I knew that Mal wouldn't want to see me being too close to Chris, so I tried to keep my distance, but with Geoff in the other room acting, and me being in the hall thinking of ending my life, it wasn't too damn cheery. So he conforted me, and kinda ignored Mal.
The ride home wasn't good for her either, she says that he paid more attention to me that her, and she was apparently crying on the way home but when I looked at her, each time her eyes were dry, she just look tired. I felt so bad. I read her blog that night and I knew it was my fault. So I have made this vow to myself:
I promise to not vent any of my miniscule problems to any of my friends. My issues do not even begin to compare to the problems that some of my friends have in their lives. There is no reason for me to burden them with such a little issue such as mine. When I do confide in someone, someone else close to me always gets hurt. I've had enough. I promise to listen and do my best to help my friends and their problems.
That is my promise and I will do my best to keep it.
Yeah so nothing too new has come up. Geoff and I are trying to salvage our friendship, but it's still really hard for me. I don't think he's mourning at all. Maybe I'm doing the mourning for both of us. I cry daily, but yeah, it'll get easier (I hope).
Today I went to Rideau with Meagan (a.k.a Moogan) and Manitoba Paul, and JASPERSE DITCHED US!! So that made it really akward for Paul. I bought a whole bunch o' crap, which got my mind off of Geoff for most of the day. Note most. I'd list off what I bought, but ... no. lol.
I was trying on a pair of pants at Warrens and I yelled at Meagan "Where's Manitoba?" (my self-dubed nick name for Paul) and one of the workers there yealled back "ONE PROVINCE OVER!" And it was funny.
I'm still at Meagan's. I'm about to watch Darkness Falls. So Yeah I'll leave it at that.
Well as most of you kids may have noticed, I haven't added any blogs in a while. Well I've been busy with the whole holiday bit (Happy Non-Denominational Holiday to everyone) and ... well, I shall explain in chronological order.
(I can't remember when my last blog was, so I'll start from the 20th)
Saturday Dec 20th '03
I went bowling, then went to Meagan's house to go shopping with her and her cousin. Man it was so psycho. I had emailed Geoff about coming, but I never got a response, so I called him on Matt's (Meagan's cousin) cell, his mom told me he was at the mall as we speak. So yeah I went looking for the kid, but I never found him. :( I ran into Edith (awesome girl from school, she and her sister are my friggin' heroes) and she's like "I have a Christmas present for you!!" She roots through her wallet and pulls out a condom. I was like oh dear, but it was pretty damn funny. So we went back to Meagan's and made a prank call as Dr. Phil aaaand watched a couple of movies and fell asleep in their living room.
Sunday Dec 21st '03
I got up at Meagan's at 8:20. I went in for work. I left work. I came home and (I think) I ate, called Geoff then went to bed. If not I stayed up half the night on MSN.
Monday Dec 22nd '03
Ummmm ... I woke up, and lounged around for the day. I talked to Geoff on MSN for a bit and me thinks thats all you're gettin outta me for this day ...I swear everything before the 24th is kinda a blur. And no I have NOT been drinking.
Tuesday Dec 23rd '03
Okay I got up, cleaned the house and baked some of my ex-bf's mom's famous smartie cookies. My mom had been having coniptions over the fact that people had been eating the cookies she had baked ... so yeah, me being the wonderful, not-wanting-her-mother-to -have-coniptions-daughter that I am, I baked some cookies, and she shut up. lol. I then recieved a phone call asking if I was ready to go babysitting (dejavu?). ONCE AGAIN, I never recieved the message. I went stocking-stuffer shopping with my dad at Home Hardware (don't laugh, it has some really good stuff) and then ventured home. I talked to Geoff on the phone for a bit ... actually 2 bits, (sweet! I'm remembering things!). My dad kicked me off the phone so we could watch a movie (10 to midnight, its a old cop flick, but it's actually really good, if you're okay with nudity, and by nudity I mean breasts. They can show those in the movies but nothing else :?) So when I called Geoff back, he asked when I would be home tomorrow. And I was like waaa? He was coming over to drop off my Christmas present. I was really happy, I hadn't seen the kid in like 4 days. And for me thats a long time. So yeah, thats was the 23rd.
Wednesday Dec 24th '03
I got up and waited around until people came home. My Dad and I were supposed to go shopping, but that fell through. At about 1:00 I got a phone call from Geoff saying "Hey, I'm coming over now". So yeah. This basically made my day. He came over and handed me my present. I hugged him for like a minute. I hadn't seen him in ages, I missed the guy. So him and his Dad stayed for a bit and met my family. Once they left I kicked my brother's ass at air hockey. 33-15!! It was 21 minutes of agony for him. I enjoyed myself ^^. That night we went out the to Smith's Christmas eve party, then ventured to the Barrett's. After that, it was past midnight, so that would mean ...
Thursday Dec 25th '03 - Christmas Day
I got up, routed through my stocking and then called to wake my Gramma up. To summarize my gifts, the family got a DVD/VHS player and new pool cues. I got a CD book from Geoff, and I got the Indianna Jones DVD set (has orgasm lol), my bowling shoes and whole bunch o' DVD's and other stuff too. My uncle came down from Calgary for dinner (yes, he is still here, he didn't just come for dinner then leave). And then I got colour changing markers from my Granny. They're so freaking amazing aaand other stuff. lol I can't remember.
Friday Dec 26th '03
We went to my Gramma's to open gifts (we post-poned opening them so my Uncle could open his with us). After that I came home and called Geoff. He didn't want to do anything, so that kinda put me out. So I slept the rest of the day away.
Saturday Dec 27th '03
lol I actually don't remember what I did, like, At all. I must have called Geoff, but that's routine now isn't it?
Sunday Dec 28th, '03
I went to work, and the morning was so dead. I got to bowl 'cause nobody was there. The afternoon wasn't busy either, well not for the canteen people.After that was the staff party at Montanna's. Mom wouldn't let me go to the pool hall so I went home. I emailed Geoff, Chris and Mal seeing if they wanted to come over on New Years eve.
Monday Dec 29th, '03
I woke up, got ready for Sarah's party, and I decided to call Chris, and I woke him up, and then picked him up. I went to the party and well, wasn't to happy. I don't know why, but I felt something bad was coming soon. Chris kept trying to reassure me about everything, but nothing really helped.
Tuesday Dec 30th, '03
I had to go babysitting in the morning, but before I left I checked my email. Malissa had replyed telling me she couldn't come over, asking if I could go over to her place, and then finished with a P.S. saying "Don't worry about Geoff, after what I'm going to tell you, you won't want to see him". So this gave me one of those bad feelings in the pit of my stomach. So once I got the kids settled in I called Mal. And she told me that Geoff was thinking of ending it. So I was sitting at the kitchen table in tears. After an hour of trying to figure out what to do, I called Geoff, and asked what the hell was going on. So we talked for over an hour. I cried. Alot. I still am. So yeah, it's over. And I've never felt worse in my life. I cried myself to sleep.
Wednesday Dec 31st, '03
I had to babysit at 8 am. So I made my way over there, in a snit. I looked after the kids, while practically dying on the inside. I called Mal telling her I couldn't go to sleep over at her place (in Bayshore) due to the fact that my father thinks I shall automatically be stabbed. On the way home, my father had a change of heart and told me I could go. So I stayed New Years at Mal's house, watching League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Labyrinth, and discussing life in general. T'was fun.
Thursday Jan 1st, '04
I got up at 11:20 am. lol. Since Geoff and I have a religions project to finish, I called him and (after quite some time) Mal's dad drove me over to his place. Yes it was odd, and I had to keep myself from crying for quite some time. Once we had finished all we could do, I called my parents and waited downstairs. Geoff went to do laundry and his parents came to talk to me. I lost it. I just couldn't hold back my tears anymore. What really caught me off guard is when his mother was hugging me and said "Kayla it broke our hearts too when we found out". I couldn't believe it. Geoff ventured up the stairs into the hallway and came to a quite put-out father and a crying ex girlfriend and mother. When I left, she hugged me and said again "You're always welcome here" and I hugged Geoff, probably for the last time. One of the things I'll miss the most about him is his family. I love them all. The ride home was difficult, I just couldn't hold the tears back any more. My father constantly mocked my pain, which caused me to go into more fits of tears. The only thing NOT depressing about yesterday was that we got a new kitten. I think this had to do with my mother pitying my pain. Later that night, I apologized to Geoff over MSN for having to see me like that today. And again, I cried myself to sleep.
Friday Jan 2nd, '04
Well that would be today. All I've done is be rudely awoken by my father, written in my blog and am currently watching the Princess Bride.
Uugh, life just seems so tedious recently. There's no point for me to wake up in the morning.