I'm not even going to try and explain the current mood I'm in. I have so many thoughts and emotions going through my head and I really just want it all to end. Litterally. I wish I could go back to the start of October and fix everything. Most of this stuff would never of happened and people would be happy, well happier if it wasn't for me. I'm sorry to everyone for the pain I've caused you.
A long time ago, I said I'd post my religions essay explaining my religious beliefs. Well it had been deleted off my hard drive, and I finally remembered to bring the hard copy home from school. So here it is! [LINE] Many people believe in a higher being, God, or even multiple gods. Myself however, do not. I have been an Atheist for 2 years now, and don't plan on changing my views. But, obviously, it was not always like that.
My father is Irish and like most Irish people, is a Roman Catholic. My mother however, is Anglican. As a child I was baptized an Anglican in a small, quaint little white church, St James Leitrim. I was a typical good girl, *cough cough* and was dragged to church almost every Sunday. I did what I was told and I found it only natural to believe. "It's what people do" I thought. Actually, my faith was becoming quite strong, through the help of my friends in the congregation. Especially through the late Father (Uncle) Frank Lawler. However, Ironically, the death of my beloved Uncle Frank was just another step on the path of Atheism.
It all started about early 1998. My grandfather, my mothers' father, was diagnosed with bladder cancer. It was a very long and hard year. Originally, we thought he may make it through it, because mid-year he seemed to be getting better. As they say, there is a peak before the valley. Once again, he began to fall very ill, worse than before. He couldn't do anything without aid. Sitting up was work for him. On February 7th, 1999, my grandfather passed away in his own home. Most of my family believes that he fought to stay alive until Saturday night (the 6th) just so he could see me with my results and ribbons from my swim meet. That night, while holding his hand and watching the hockey game, he was squeezing my hand like never before. It was very painful for an 11 year old girl, but I didn't dare let go. He fell into a coma, and slipped away early the next morning. This was the first death of a very morbid year. After my grandfather or 'Grampa' passed on, four other family members, or close friends-to-the-family died. One of those was my other grandfather.
My dads' father, or 'Poppa' as we called him, was brought into the hoospital by force of my grandfather, 'Granny'. At the time, Poppa was having large headaches that lasted for hours, and was sleeping an abnormal amount because of it. It turned out he had fluid around his brain, as a possible result of hitting his head when falling on an icy laneway. He never said anything because he wanted to go to Switzerland to see my brother play hockey in the olympics. he thought it would be unlikely that they would let him go after an incident such as that. In the summer of 1999, Poppa had brain surgery. The surgery was successful, but soon after this, another blow came to the family. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The next few months were hard. During this period, I was praying at least twice a day. "God, I have already lost four people close to me in that past year. One of them was my Grampa. Please don't take my other grandfather from me." And so on. This situation was much was much different than with my Grampa. Grampa had been living his last few months in his own home, and died in his own bed. My Poppa on the other hand, felt that it would be a burden on the family to stay in the house, and insisted we let him stay in the hospital. He died on January 19th, 2000, in the General Hospital. That makes five people in the course of eleven months. Great way to start the new millenium.
Not long after, a friend of mines mother died. The boy and I had just recently gotten to know eachother well, and I had yet to meet his parents. However, it affected me equally. I was disoriented and fragile. I found it hard to keep my bearings. It also happend that my parents knew my friends parents. That made six.
At this point, I was seriously questioning if there was a God. I had refused to go to church and remained in bed, scribbling depressing poetry into a diary. I now regret that I did. Well ... not go to church anyway. On January 7th, Father or Uncle Frank Lawler passed away. This was shocking. I thought to myself, "How can such a wonderful man, who was so close to God, be so brutally taken away from us?". His son was about to be married, and he would never get to see it. He happened to be one of the few links left I had left to my Grampa; they had been best friends. How cruel can God be I thought. At this point, I was furious with God, and any 'prayers' said by me were basically questioning his reasoning, and almost stating that I hated him. But since I was praying, that meant I still believed. That all changed, on September 11th, 2001.
Sitting in French class, still new to the school, not knowing anyone in the class, and being bored out of my mind, I was awakened by a disgruntled staff member on the P.A. system. "There has been a bombing of the twin towers. They are down." That was it! None of my class had any idea what was going on. At that point, I took out my discman (with much argument with my teacher), turned on the radio, and tuned it to CFRA. All was explained. The terror and fear that went through my body, not to mention anger. Two planes were hijacked, flown into the twin towers in Manhattan. Another had been hijacked, flown into the Pentagon in Washington, and it was rumored to have been heading to the White House. A plane crashed in Pennsylvania, and there was mysterious package on Parliament Hill. I cried almost all day, and was holding and rocking myself nervously. That was the end. On that day, when so many people walked into churches, I (in a figurative sense) walked out. In my mind, there is no was that such a hideous thing would be allowed if there is some almighty power above us. Also, I found that religion itself to be contradictory to almost all of my strong moral beliefs. The men who flew these planes into the building, thought that they were going to get into heaven by killing 2000 innocent, unarmed people. No way.
A while after 9/11, I did 'shop' around for religion, and the only on that intrigued me was Buddhism. After reading through it me thoroughly, I realized that for me to be a Buddhist, I would need to meditate for hours on end. I don't have time for that. Now, I believe in a scientific theory which connects the conscious human mind, to the sleeping/dreaming mind, to your afterlife. If you understand your dreams, you can understand and improve your life and even, you afterlife.
There are, of course, other reasons for my conversion. Such as how much the bible contradicts itself and says for humans to do some of the most illogical things. I am also very pro-gay rights and pro-choice. The Catholic church is so judgmental. I (sadly) quote Maude Flanders/Matt Groening. [i]"I was at bible camp. I was learning how to be more judgmental."[/i]. There is no way that an all powerful, all accepting God would discriminate against so many people. Also, if he's so forgiving, why was man kicked out of the Garden of Eden in the first place? Couldn't they have just begged for forgiveness like Catholics today? I am, of course, fighting a battle that will most likely never end, and am opening a door to endless debates. But that's not what this paper is about now is it? There are more reasons, but the rest are much more personal, and I do not wish to share them. I never have.
In the end, I really have no problem with religion. As long as people do not try to force them on me. I try my best to respect peoples religion and beliefs as much as I can, hoping they will do the same for me in return. I find religion fascinating, and a great link to the past, which is why I have chosen to take this course. [LINE] That it for today. The SEARS fest went up this afternoon at school. IT WAS AWESOME!! Good job to Geoff, Chris, Brett and Ari!
The rest of Saturday was boring. My mother refused to take me to a movie with my friend Matt, so we ended up watching the movie [i]Sabrina[/i] with Harrison Ford *drools*. I got a few calls from friends asking if the whole movie thing was happening, so I told them that I'd post-pone it to Sunday.
Sunday ...
I got to sleep in for an extra hour because we opened at 10:00. We didn't make much money either, because we had [i]Bowl for Kids Sake[/i], some bowling tournament to raise money for the [i]Big Brothers, Big Sister Foundation of Ottawa[/i]. There was alot of free food, so all I really did was pass out free hot dogs, and cross off the hot dog option on their food cupon.
That morning I sent out an email to some friends asking if they wanted to see a movie that night. I left my work phone number, so people could call me and tell me what was going on.
Tyler called me at about 11:30. I tell him we're going to South Keys Cineplex if at all possible to see 50 First Dates. The times were in the email and I had customers waiting, so I told him to talk to Geoff on MSN and he'd give out more details.
I called Geoff a total of about ... 4 times I think. Just confirming who was going, what time we were seeing the show, etc etc etc. We agreed on the 5:10 show at South Keys, 'cause Tyler's dad didn't want him out late. That meant I'd have to get out of work at 5:00 on the dot to make it to South Keys in time to see the sart of the show.
I called Chris at about 2:00. Geoff said he had called earlier and Chris was "busy". I said that that meant he was sleeping. Was I right? Oh yeah :wink:. Also, I asked if Geoff knew if Sarah was coming, and he told me no because Steve was going. :cry:. Sorry Sarah! You and I will do something together soon! Also I called Debra and her mom was afraid of South Keys, so she wasn't aloud to go. :cry:
So 5:00 rolls around, and I boot out the door. I pull up in front of the theatre at about 5:08. I see Chris' eminating hair come out of the door, followed by Geoff and Steve. My first thought was, "Why the hell aren't you guys in the theatre, the show starts in 2 minutes!". Well here's the best part; Tyler was at AMC Kanata sitting in the movie theatre, waiting for us. The funniest part is that only Tyler could pull that off! At about 5:00, Geoff called Tyler's house on his cell. His parents said he was already gone, and they gave Geoff his cell phone number. Geoff called there, but it wasn't on. Then Tyler calls back asking, "Where the heck are you guys?!". It was soooo funny, even though I wasn't there to see it! The way the guys re-told it was great!
So we decided to see the 7:00 show. So we wandered around the stores for a bit. We went into [i]Chapters[/i], and made our way through there. I ended up buying the book, [i]The Princess Bride[/i]. It's great! Read it now! And see the movie!
After that, I gave Steve some liberty spikes ... well not exactly, just welfare spikes. lol. Then we went to McDonalds. Geoff got a happy meal! I haven't had one of those in so long. The toy was so cool too. Well, for a McDonalds toy anyway.
We went to the thatre at about 6:30. Went in, met one of my friends who is now assistant supervisor (way to go Bri!) and we met a guy who offered to give Steve even beter spikes. They were so awesome! I wish we had a camera.
We sat at the back, and I put my feet up on the chair in front of me, and some guy down the row turns towards me and yells,
"Hey get your feet off the chair and have some respect!"
I respond saying something along the lines of,
"Okay, relax buddy, enjoy your show ..." Sarcastically that is. I'm not that nice. 8) He then continues to say,
"You're old enough to know better ... (I think he said something else, but I didn't really hear it)" And I say.
"Okay buddy, you don't have to bite my head off. Now relax and mind your own buisness." Or something like that.
Anyway, the movie was really good, [i]50 First Dates[/i] that is ... After the movie was fun too. We stood out front, tackling eachother and such. ^^ Good times.
Well I'm going to speed things up, mom says I have 2 minutes *mumbles profanities to herself*.
Today ...
Boring really. Law I messed around in the library looking for information on Abortions in Canada. Chem I found out that I did extremly well on my lab (sweet! mark is going up!!).
On my way to art, I ran into my friends Liz and Gabby. Gabby was crying so I walked with her in the direction that she was going in. A stretcher was following her. I was confused and I wanted to know what happened, 'cause if both Gabby and Liz knew the person who was going in the stretcher, I likely did too.
It turns out that I do know the person who was to go in the stretcher. It was one of my friends, Edith, Gabby's sister and Liz's best friend. She was in the guidance office, and when the door opend with the people with the stretcher, she stood up with tears in her eyes, and her face red, saying, "You're not taking me! You can't fucking make me go! I'm not going!" And she ran out of the guidance office, through the office and tried to get out the front door, but the office staff grabed her and worked her to the floor, kicking and screaming. Then Ms. Moulton, head bitch of guidance, came out and wouldn't let any of her friends near her. And Jade is now at CHEO with her psychiatrist 'cause of this. At least she may be able to talk to Edith. :?
*is getting told off, so will summarize quickly*
I felt like shit for all of art, and it's been bugging me in the back of my head for the rest of the day. Art, I didn't have to present, and SEARs went well. Our first show is tomorrow in period 6, and I miss the whole afternoon!
I bused home with Erica and Chris and stayed at Chris' house until my mom picked me up. I had dinner for my dad's b-day tonight, and now we're watching [i]Everwood[/i].
Wednesday, I don't really remember what I did during the day ... oh. I met some photographer chick from the Ottawa Citizen. Jana Chytlova. She's really good.
After school I went home (Wow! what a concept eh?) and ... yeah the whole afternoon is blur too. Man what am I on?? But that night, mom went bowling so Dad and I watched one of our favorite classic movies, [i]The Sting[/i] Awesome movie, see it now!
Dad left for Guelph on Thursday morning and he won't be back until tomorrow, so it's been just my mother and I. But I haven't been home!
On Thursday, I stayed after school for Sears fest rehearsal. Chris and Geoff were at an Insight show, so we had to wait for them. While Ms. Stewart, Mal, Ari, Brett, Erica, Katie and I (I think that's it) were sitting in the caf waiting for the guys to come back, I randomly said, "I want grapes, I'm going to LOEB" which, for those of you who don't know MHS, is right across the street from us. I ended up buying a huge bag of chocolate chip cookies, a big thing of purple grapes *drools* they were so good, and I helped pay for a box of wedges.
So we went back to the school and started to gorge on that stuff. lol! Oh yeah! The guys still weren't back yet, so Brett was in the foyer talking to Isabelle, and I was going to the washroom to wash the grapes. I say to Brett, "Hey Brett, theres wedges, cookies and grapes in there for Sears people." He made his whole little, Brett is happy and hungry face and said to Isabelle, "I think I'm gonna ... go this way now." I was so funny! I guess you have to know Brett to get it.
At about 3:30, I went outside to look for the PPO (Planed Parenthood Ottawa) van. Mal came with me, and we ended up doing our Air Bandz dance in front of the indows to the caf. Ari and into the window and tried to "sedate" me. Oh Ari. A whole bunch of other people came out and started dancing with us. It was at this point that we spotted the decals written on the back window of a truck, [i]"Shhh ... I'm on a secret mission"[/i] Good times. 8) *nods head*.
We waited outside until about 3:50, then headed back in. Ms. Stewart had to leave at 3:30, she had a banquet at the art gallery or something. So we were just waiting around for rides and stuff.
When the guys did get back, it was about 4:10. It turns out that they had to talk to some leaders or teachers or something. Good reason! Geoff had gone to his locker then started to walk out the door. I said to him, "Fine Geoff, don't give me a hug." and I was joking, but I guess I sounded really bitchy or something, 'cause Geoff just said back to me, "Screw off!" and kept on walking. Sorry Geoff! :( He's apparently had a bad couple of days. I hope you're feeling better!
Mal, Katie and Erica decided to take the bus home instead of waiting for Andrew's mom at 5:00. So Chris and I were sitting gin the foyer, first accompanied by Katie Grant *pukes*. Her and her ballet moves. It's annoying. :x
Now you have to understand how stupid she can make herself look. For example, Chris and I spotted some balloons still in the ceiling from the dance last Friday. We decide to try to remove them. Katie comes up and says, "Wait before you guys go and get something to stand on, let me try and jump for them." Now you must understand. Katie is about 5'2", and extremely ... round to put it nicely. Also, the ceilings are about ... 10 ft high. So what she does is, stands on her left foot, and taps her right food on the ground behind her 3 times, then jumps. She doesn't make it higher than me, and I'm 5'8". It's just .... well how many people do you know that claim they can jump 10 ft in the air? Exactly.
After that, she left and Andrew came up and we waited for his mom. She graciously drove me back to her place, along with Chris, but he lives there anyway. We could only stay until 5:30 she told us. When it was time to leave, Katie asked, "Aw mom, can't they come with us??" and Anne-Marie looked at us and said, "...well..." So! We went to a cubs, beaver, scouts, ventures banquet thing 'cause it was that guy's birthday who started the whole scouts bit. Don't ask, I don't rememeber his name.
Since this was a family affair, Chris and I had to pose as member's of Andrew's family. We decided that Chris and I are brother and sister, we live in Manotick, go to MHS, and our parents are in Florida, so we have to stay at our cousin's house. Simple enough and no one asked anything. But I did see some kid I bowl with. Oh well he's a junior, I'm a senior. He doesn't know me really ...
Friday was a happy day. From what I remember .... Man I really need to focus during class! Drama was fun though. We have to make a dance for the song [i]Luck be a Lady Tonight[/i] from the movie [i]Guys and Dolls[/i]. My group consisted of Kim, Brandon, Sandy, Jess the new girl (She's so great! HOUSE!), Ashley, who wasn't there yesterday and Geoff who was thrown in, 'cause he missed the first day of making up the dance. He was so lost at the beginning! So funny. We thought our dance was pretty good and that we were ready to do a work-in-progress show for the class. Then we sit down....
Eric's group goes first. Holy crap! They had acrobatics (well kinda, rolls, and backwards heel kicking and stuff) and crap, and it was so clean! It was amazing!! After that, there was Debra's group. And in saying that, you know it's good. Yea, their's was simple, yet clean. I liked theirs. Then we go. Geez, ours was so mediocre. But still. People said they like it. Molly and Liz's group was simple too. But still cool. All in all this unit isn't THAT bad ... I just hope we don't have to do this dance for our exam. :?
After school, I bus to Andrew's house. The bus ride there was craziness! Jade, Mandy, Mal and I were singing and completley losing our balance while standing up. Fun. Oh yeah, and Mandy grabbed my chest. lol.
Oh, I forgot. Friday was pyjama day so everyone was wearing pj's. I had a housecoat, pj's and my teddybear. I even got my picture taken for the yearbook 8). Hope fully they won't use it though!
Once we get to Andrew's we're informed that we, once again, have to leave at 5:30. Not that I'm complaining, I'm just making a statement. I wasn't feeling too happy with myself, and in general, so at about 4:35 (I looked at my watch, don't ask) I retreated to the toy room. I sat in there for about 50 minutes, just thinking to myself while sitting on the exercise ball and lying on the floor. If I had of had my housecoat with me, I would not have left until we had to leave. But I got cold so I left.
We got kicked out, and headed off for Erica's, we being: Colin, Erica, Steven, Chris and myself. It was snowing heavily and the wind was blowing right in our faces. Not enjoyable really. We found a shopping cart, and Colin started to drag Erica in it. Also, we decided to walk through our old school, BPPS, because we had 3 alumni. It's changed to much! Not like I miss it though. Sawmill Creek is my home ^^.
Once we got to Erica's we thawed out in her "sex room". It's a sound-proof room and ... sex happens there. lol. We played darts pathetically. I haven't played in so long, that I was lucky to get one of three on the board per turn! Fun all the same though. Colin dosed off so we went upstairs and decided to order pizza. We got 2 XL pizzas, one pepperoni, and one half combination and one half meat lovers (blegh). While we were waiting for the pizza, Erica’s already tipsy sister, offered us rum and coke. Steve and Erica leaped on the opportunity, but since I don't drink I didn't take any. I don't know why Chris didn't take any ... oh well.
After we "stuffed our faces" according to Erica's dad, we put PotC (Pirates of the Carribean) on :D. Man I love that movie. But ... I fell asleep about a third of the way into it, with my legs on Chris. Apparently my legs twitch while I sleep. And I woke Colin up while pushing on him (sorry Colin!) and I almost rolled off a few times too. Oh well! :lol:
We called a taxi for Colin, and I called my mom. She let me sleep over! Woo hoo! The taxi never came for Colin, and come to think of it, neither did Andrew. He said he'd come to Erica's and pick some people up to go back to his place at about 9:00. Never happened. We waited for Colin's taxi, but it never showed. Steve had been on the phone with Andrew for a while, deciding wether to stay at Erica's or go back to Andrew's. Andrew's mom discovered that the taxi wasn't coming, so she offered to drive Colin home to Nepean!
Anne-Marie is amazing! This week, we're going to collect money from the regulars at Andrews, and buy her a bouquet of flowers and her and her husband a late anniversary gift. She's great, she deserves it!
So in the end, Steve, Chris and myself slept over at Erica's. We did nothing of any productivity. We played truth on and off for about 4 hours, talked about nothing, made fun of Steve's imitation Mandy voice, and ate bagels at 3:30 in the morning. Yummi ^^. Oh, and we shoved my teddy bear in the return air vent so our talking wouldn't make its way up to Erica's parents room and wake them up/disturb them.
Oh, word for the wize, don't turn a lava lamp on while you're tired and hyper. You can be very easily distracted!!
Chris accused me of being tragically beautiful. I was like "Abuh??" And then people started saying stuff, so I burried my head underneath a pillow. lol. So I can't take a compliment! Big deal, I have my reasons!
After that, we went to sleep. Once again, Chris said I was twitching, Erica drooled on her pillow (it's only funny 'cause she was worried we were going to do that) and Chris snored. I'm a heavy sleeper, so I didn't notice.
Erica's dad woke us up at 7:45. Both Erica and I had to leave at 8:30, so we had to be up early. The funniest thing was I took the 6 darts off of the dart board, and threw them. I had just gotten up and I made better shots than I did when I was awake! All 6 hit the board, and they got me good points too!! *shakes head* Sad ...
Steve and I lay on the mattress until my mom got there. He bit me. He thought I was a muffin. He's obsessed with muffins! And everyone says I make a good pillow. Good to know my physical features are good for SOMETHING. :wink: lol
After that I went bowling. I crossed a 632 today. So my average may be up to a 196 next week. And I don't have to go to work until 10:00 am tomorrow!! *dances*.
I got home, threw snowballs at my mother, filled the bird feeders, shoveled the walkway and cleaned up the main floor of the house.
That's about it, I've been writing this blog for about an hour to more now. lol. Go me! Well that's all for now kids.
Well mommy's in bed and daddy ain't home! ^^ So it's bloggin' time again!
Alright. After rehearsal, I went to the bus stop with Mal, Erica, Geoff, and Chris. Andrew and Katie were silly and hopped on the bus before us :?. Geoff and Mal had a bit of a punching war, while Chris held my art portfolio flat like a tray and said, "Do you realize how much food can fit on here?" lol.
Geoff hopped on the 156 so we were left to wait for the 116. When it came we sat at the front and I just sang to my discman out loud ^^. After a few stops, a guy came on the bus that once asked Mal out on the first time they had ever met. Her face was sooooo red!! It was hilarious!
After we got off the 116, we took the 142 north and there was a sudden change of mood. Mal became low-energy and kinda sad. So Chris and I attempted perking her up. It worked ... I think. We got off the bus at her stop and walked her to her house. She seemed happy when she went into the house. So then Chris and I walked to Andrew's house, which I stayed at for about 12 minutes. In which I watched the mpg REJECTED. Best video ever!! Download it now!
At 5:55, I walked across the street to my Granny's house, after being lifted off my feet by Chris. That's how he says good-bye, he hugs me, then lifts me off the floor, only 'cause he knows it freaks me out. I swear one day, he'll break his spine trying to lift me. That'll teach him. 8) At Granny's, she gave me some new socks (she knits socks, they're the coolest socks in the world!) and a new pair of fluffy mitts. She then proceeded to shove steak and potatoes down my throat. My cousin who was home from U of Waterloo was there, so that made me happy, and so were my cousin's Kelly-Anne and Katie.
About 2 seconds after I started eating my dad showed up to take me to the game with him. So I snarfed down what I could, then headed out the door. Since I was with the coach, I was really early for the game, so no one was there other than the friends of my dad who I know. I got into the game for free, and got 15 free 50/50 tickets. lol. Go having connections!! Woo hoo! lol. But I didn't win .... I know, you're all sitting reading this thinking, "Awe muffin ...". Common people, it's like a modern-day Shakespeare tragedy!!
At about 7:10, Ian came in, accompanied with Cody Ristomaki and Ian's dad, Steve. After that, Josh came in with James and Heather. I haven't really seen Josh since the school swim team finished, so I got to talk to him for a bit. After the first period, I just sat with Ian and we chit-chatted while watching the game.
A kid named Corey that I grew up with plays for my dad, and a lot of people were there to cheer him on. He had so many good chances to score, but he never had a good shot. There was one that he actually shot, but it hit the post and all you heard was "FUCK!" said the way that only Corey can say it. It was great.
South won the game 5-2, best score ever! So then I waited for my dad to take me home, but instead his friend Gerry drove me, after Ian left without saying goodbye!! :cry:. Geez Ian, I'm so crushed ...
ANYWAY, now to talk about the little issue I have here. Some people, especially Chris, seem to think I'm worth wasting time on. Note the term "wasting". W-A-S-T-I-N-G. I love you guys all so much, but trust me, I don't deserve any of your love, care and/or concern. You're all too good for me. You deserve a way better friend. I could never ever live up to what you deserve.
I think I'd best be off. There's not much to talk about anyway
I'm sitting in the MHS library, after school during rehearsal, with Mal right beside me reading over my shoulder, "Hi everybody" she says.
Last night, I called Chris at about 8:00, and he wouldn't stop complimnting me! I got so frustrated 'cause they're all [u]LIES[/u] that I started to speak french, and I wouldn't stop. I spoke french for 45 minutes! That's the l;ongest time I have spoken french since like ... grade 8! Anyway, at 9:00, I got off the phone and watched my faveorite show of all time, [i]Everwood[/i].
Well today I got a bit of a scare in first period, when I found out that Mal had again tried to kill herself. I was so upset. Not mad, but she truly tried to do it. She took 58 pills and sat in a hot bath. AFter a bit she felt shaky, got out of the bath and headed for her room. She didn't want to not say goodbye to some people, and one of those people was online. She made him cry, something he never does. That made her so upset that she puked, and she couldn't fall asleep after that. She was afraid she wouldn't wake up.
Mal, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. If you go, I go too. I don't think I can live in a world where you're not there to help brighten up my day. You've helped keep me alive up until now, let me do the same for you.
The rest of the day wasn't too interesting. Ancient Civs we talked about ... Aristophanes ... I think. And in Law we had a heated debate concerning wether there should be universal day care in Canada. It took almost all class. T'was fun.
At lunch, Ian asked if I was going to go to the game tonight. Meaning was I going to go to my Dad's Jr. 'B' hockey team's playoff game tonight. I called my dad and asked if he could pick me up at my Granny's. He said yes, but he sounded kinda exasperated. Oh well.
The rest of the afternoon is kind of a blur. I had chem, and we did stoichiometry, and I actually get it! Art I worked on my art project from hell, and english we sat in the library and worked on our english project. And by that I mean read people's blogs while doing some research on Karl Marx on the side.
Now I'm at rehearsal, so I should probably be getting back there.
Well my parents have limited my computer time to half an hour. So my blogs will now be significantly shorter.
Today was Monday ...
I found out that Jade got a concussion, so she didn't try out for Canadian Idol (by the way, incase I haven't mentioned it before, my friend Jon made it to the celebrity judges! He goes tomorrow!), Mal and Colin broke up, and Mandy and her brother got kicked out of their house. Fun, really :?
Classes were boring. We met our new World Religions teacher, who came back from maternity leave, and did jack-all in Anctient Civs.
At lunch, I called home asking to stay after school to work on an English project. After that I went to the basement and witnessed Geoff break two apples into pieces on the floor. Messy, but funny. Also Chris found the rose Geoff gave him on Friday, and then started to followed me around with it. After that, we tried to light the rose on fire ... didn't work :roll:. After that, Andrew proceeded to bite the head of the rose right off and attempted to eat it! The look of disgust on his face was absolutely priceless!
Next was drama. Chris sat in with us and watched the rest of [i]Guys and Dolls[/i]. Weird movie that ....
Chem and Art, nothing interesting happened. After school, Chris decided to stick around with me while I worked on my English project with Jessie. We got most of it done, and we should have plenty of time to work on the presentation itself in class this week. ^^
Once we left the library, we headed to the mall and I bought some new gages! Yay 12 gage! lol. Then I went to the Timmy's across the street and bought Chris and myself a doughnut.
My mother drove Chris home, went to the farm, then I drove home from there.
I read some blogs and to Mal I say,
Mal, I am going through a similar experience right now. I know your pain, but don't burden yourself with having to deal by it all by your lonesome! Y'know all those people who congrgate around you at lunch? We do that 'case we care, and we worry about you! And NO, removing yourself from the group will not make anything better. We feel much better knowing you're still with us so we have someone to love and care for as much as we do! I love you girl! *hugs n' kisses*
Anyway, my half hour is almost up, so I'd best be off ...
Argh, my comp just kicked me off the internet, so I lost all that I had typed in my blog. I'll try again ... [LINE] It's blog time again children! Ha! My mother just said that my blog is exactly the same thing as MSN. Yeah okay *scoffs* P.S. For those of you who aren't aware, I'm grounded off MSN until this June, due my final marks of grade 10.
One thing that I forgot to mention in yesterday's blog, is that my friends Shane and Alex went to an autograph session with [i]Staind[/i] and guess what? They gave them their demo CD!! I was like, "Awesome to the max guys!!". That's very cool ^^.
Today was the day of regional champs. So I went to bed fairly early for a weekend, and ended up getting 10 hours of sleep. :) I woke up at 7:00, had a shower, (with new shampoo, mmm smells like coconut) and had an omelette with toast for breakfast. We left the house at about 7:50, went to the farm, filled up the gas tank, and head West for Smith Falls.
We got to Gratton lanes at about 9:10, twenty minutes early for registration. I saw some old friends I used to bowl with and against, and the tourney started at 10:00.
We had to bowl 5 games, and it took about ... 5 hours. I wont go into great detail about the games themselves. But let's say, they were foreign lanes. Oiled, not synthetic, which is what I am used to. The balls were so oily that they flew out of some kids hands in mid-throw! :? Anyway, after the first game, Walkley (my team) was in first by 20 points. In the second game, one of the girl from Gratton lanes bowled a 407! That put a threat up, and pushed us into second. Apparently we didn't move around too much after that. We finished in 2nd place, which is okay, but not what I was hoping for, No provincials for me! :( But still, we beat Merivale lanes (a.k.a, we beat Laura! They finished 6th.) But I felt bad, because I love their coach John. He used to be the zone rep. He's so cool!
After that, mom and I drove home. We stopped at some crafty, country decoration store, which had some cool stuff. But we didn't buy anything. We got home about an hour ago ... 4:00ish. Moomy is kinda cranky ... and I want to go out! :( And out of nowhere the discussion of my marks came up :?. Oh well. I don't care what she thinks of me anymore.
By the way, next year, screw anyone who wants me to work on Valentine's Day! I want to do stuff!
Nothing else too interesting should occur today, so I believe the next we shall meet again, will be on Monday. G'day kiddies!
Yeah well ... I haven't enered in a day or so. HERE'S YOUR UPDATE KIDDIES. [LINE] Friday...
Well Thursday too. Meagan slept over and we watched a crapload of movies. We also made the tie-dye cake of doom, and these crazy muffins ... but they really didn't work all that well. :?. We didn't get dressed until about 4:30 yesterday and we headed out the door at 4:55 to make our way to the bus station to go see [i]NICKELBACK, STAIND AND THREE DAYS GRACE![/i]
On our way into the Corel Centre, a red ball cap caught my eye. Ian, Corey and Alex were standing outside waiting for Seymour and Maddy. Shane and the two Bri's were already inside. So we waited for Seymour for about 45 minutes.
P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY MATT!!
When he finally showed up, we made our way though the mass of what was supposed to be a line-up, and then got felt up (okay, patted down, whatever) by some old dude. He went a little high, if you know what I mean, while checking all of our legs. lol.
We were all in the 300's level, and for some reason I thought we were in section 302. So Meagan and I sat in our seats there, and Seymour, Ian, Alex and Corey met Shane in their seats in section 304. The two Bri's were in section 305. We watched [i]Three Days Grace[/i] first, and they weren't amazing. They were good! But not incredible. I think it may have been because not everyone was focused on the show, 'cause alot of people were still coming in to the show.
During first intermission, I went to buy a shirt, but much to my dissapointment, discovered that I was $2 short of buying a shirt :cry:. So Meagan and I made our way back to what we thought were our seats. It turned out that we were actually in section 304, really close to everyone else! Matt (Seymour) saw us, and told us to come down to sit with them in the two seats by their group that were free. That lasted about 3 minutes, as the owners showed up. So then we went to sit with the Bri's, but that lasted even less time, and we were kicked out again. So we sauntered our way back to good ol' section 304.
After that, we watched [i]Staind[/i]. Holy crap they were amazing!! Honestly! We were so lucky too, Ottawa was the last city on the tour who would get to see Staind, 'cause they're leaving the tour!
Second intermission, Matt, Ian, Shane and Corey came up to talk to us. We went off with them just to talk for a bit. Matt met up with Maddy (she had different seats than us, she was sitting with a few other friends) and did a lap of the stadium. He came back telling us about these awesome seats that weren't roped off and were totally free. So everyone; Shane, Matt, Ian, Corey, Alex, Bri, Bri, Meagan, and I went to sit there for Nickelback.
HOLY CRAP NICKELBACK WAS AWESOME! Especially the fire. Me lovesss the fire. lol, no but seriously, they were great! At one point during the show Chad said to the crowd, "Who knows what time it is?" *half the stadium checks their watches* "IT'S BEER O'CLOCK!" At this point, a huge trolley of beer in plastic cups gets rolled out on stage and the band starts chucking them to the crowd. It was great! They were all getting drenched in beer.
As soon as Nickelback came out on stage, I smelled this huge cloud of weed sweep over me. It was so funny. There was some chick in our row smoking this huge, and I mean huge joint! Oh yeah, and word for the wise, Zippos can get pretty hot after a while. :wink:
My least favorite song [i](Hero)[/i] was made SO MUCH BETTER, 'cause Arron Lewis of [i]Staind[/i] came out and accompanied Chad in it! That made me love the song. Also they did a Metallica cover! Bri A. and I were freaking!
Okay, for anyone who was at the concert last night, and especially if you were on the floor, I have a bone to pick with most of you. I know that the security and safety measures were really high, but honestly people! You got floor tickets for a reason! Move around a little!! I swear, until Chad told the crowd to jump during the chorus of one song, NO ONE MOVED! lol, it was really funny how the bouncers would kick anyone who was body surfing out. One guy got kicked out twice, I don't know how he managed that one. lol.
Also! After Nickelback left for the first time, people started to leave. I mean, seriously people have you NEVER been to a concert before?! There was no CD music, which they had played the whole time, except for when people were on stage (duh), there were still laser thingys going off, there was that dramatic bass feedback noise in the background AND the house lights weren't on! And most importantly, anyone who's a Nickelback fan would have noticed that they did NOT play [i]"How You Remind Me", [/i]their biggest hit of their career. I swear all of these people felt like such morons when they ran back to their seats when the guys came back out on stage.
The concert had two 18-wheelers of pyro-technics. All that stuff was crazy! I could feel the heat off of the flame spurts up in nosebleed! And it was hot man! There was some crazy stuff there, I'm telling ya, and the fireworks were great too!
Yeah, so the concert was great, and the company was even better. After the show, we made plans to meet up at [i]Local Heroes[/i] on Bank st. Ian drove all the guys in his car, and Meagan and I bussed. We didn't really know which bus would take us right past [i]Local Heroes[/i], so we just walked. It was nice. There was almost nobody out, and we both love walking at night.
Our timing turned out to be perfect, 'cause we got in the doors right as the guys were taking off their coats. We played pool for a bit then got some food. We got there at about ... oh ... 11:50 maybe, we left at .... 1:20. Somewhere there. All I know is that I didn't get home until 2:00.
Thanks Meagan, and everyone else who went to that. It was freaking awesome! (Shane, I hope you've bathed by now.) Go seat changing madness! We changed seats a total of 5 times! [LINE] Saturday...
Well I got about 4 hours of sleep last night, 'cause I had to be at work for 7:30. God Josh, you're a jerk. ANYWAY. Nothing really interesting happened today, just a really long work day, that was really busy and really boring. A good thing is though, I got paid $110.27 in cash ^^.
After work, mom took me to buy batteries for tomorrows’ trip (yeah, tomorrow is the Regional Champs in Smith Falls, so I'm gonna need my discman). I ended up buying 3 CD's in the process. [i]Eagles - Greatest Hits of All Time[/i] for my dad, his birthday is next Monday, but I'll listen to the CD as much as he will :wink: and I also bought myself [i]Nickelback's Silver Side Up[/i] and [i]The State[/i]. I now have all but one of their CD's.
After that, mom decided not to go to my Dad's hockey game ... well for the team he's head coach of. Sorry if I snubbed you Ian! So I came home, had pea soup, and then read and entered this blog.
I hope that everyone who's at Sarah is having a good time. It's probably better I didn't go anyway. Both of my ex's were there, and it was year ago today that Braden and I started going out. :? Ah well. One day my feelings will die, then nothing will ever hurt ever!
Well, it's 8:30, I'm exhausted and I have to win a tournament tomorrow. Enjoy your evening kiddies.
Well as Meagan changes, I'm going to take full advantage of this time and enter a blog.
Today was the last day before Valentines day. Sadly I never did finish all of my valentines last night, but it's not a big loss. Out of the ones I did finish, I still didn't manage to hand them all out.
Oh, last night, I was up until about 11:20 pm doing my chem lab and entering a blog right? Well my mother came into my room last night when I went upstairs at that time, and asked, "What are you doing?" and by which she meant, "Why are you still up?" Well I told her that I had been working on my chem lab and then entering a journal. She then proceeded to call me a liar because I claimed that I only had a little bit of chem work left to do, which I did, but she assumed by the clock, that I had more than that. I was just checking it over thousands of times to make sure it was as right as it could possibly be, because I need the marks.
Also she said, "No more journals." He logic there was that it keeps me up later into the night, so she wants me to write it out in a book :? Okay I can see two thhings that I don't like with that. 1) It takes me twice as long to write stuff down as it does to type 2) I like having it so my friends can read and comment So basically, POO ON YOU MOM!!
Today, I delivered roses, and I got one from Chris :oops: he's so sweet. *tear* At 8:05, the guys and Megan left for Insight at SRB. My classes were boring. Law I had a test on criminal law. I think I did well, and I didn't really study. We had world religions last, and it was the last day Mr. Popplewell :( He's so awesome, and now Mrs. Scheepers is coming back. I'm told she's awesome too, but he was so funny.
Lunch ... I ran around like a maniac after burning ... something outside. It was fun ^^. Then we had an Airbandz rehearsal. I was the only one to change for our dress rehearsal. It was kinda discouraging. But oh well.
After lunch we had English in the library and then drama, watching [i]Guys and Dolls[/i] again. In chem, I was proud, because I handed in my pretty lab :D . Then I did really well ion an in-class assessment of skills.
At the end of the day, Meagan took the Retard Wagon home with me. Much to my disappointment, but not to my surprise, my mother did not clean up before she left for work this morning. So we cleaned up. We watched [i]Goldmember[/i] while baking a cake. Now ...
The cake is a story in itself. Well the icing is anyway. We wanted to do something really funky, so we split all of the icing we made into 4 bowls and mixed in food colouring. Then we proceeded to put it on the cake in blobs. We then started mixing the colours together then blobbing that on the cake. In the end we have about 7 different colours on the cake, along with Hallowe'en sprinkles spelling "HOOB" (inside joke, don't ask) and pink and red smarties bordering the edge. And the icing was spread to be tie-dye. It's soooo cool!
We had tacos for dinner and we watched [i]Pirates of the Carribean[/i] yet again. Hey, I'm not complaining. lol, now I'm entering this, and Meagan awaits my return so we can watch [i]2 Fast, 2 Furious[/i].
Tomorrow is the Nickelback concert!! ^^ *is so psyched* I shall tell you all about it, most likely on Saturday night!
ttfn
-=blacknaiad=-
P.S. Sorry I really didn't get to thank you today Chris. The card and rose mean alot to me. I'm going to dry the rose out so I can keep it forever. xoxo!!
Morning came, and I went to school today. I talked to Ms. Stockford about my lab, and I think I'm going to do really well!!
**side note** in our lab, we had to dissolve and do a whole bunch of crap to some copper wire, then re-form the copper we dissolved. My partner and I started out with 1.5g of copper, and you're supposed to have exactly the amount you started with or less right?? Well we came up with 2.10g!! We're freaking alchemists man!!
After I talked to Ms. Stockford, I went to the caf, bought a muffin (hehe, muffin) and then I ventured to the basement. Nothing really significant occurred, but Mal wasn't there. Again! :( So I was worried, but I was told she was just in detention, so made me feel better. :)
Chris walked with me to homeroom, along with Mandy, and we did white people dances. T'was fun! I also made Chris promise to meet me during period 3 to go to the option sheet fair. Yeah, I already have to choose my courses for grade 12! I'm soooo scared!! :? :(. I don't want to have to choose the rest of my life at 16! I just know I'm gonna fuck myself over. Once I make my final decisions on my courses, I shall post them for your entertainment/criticism.
Um, I had Ancient Civs first, and I helped my friend Andrea set up for her ISU, then I had law, which was just trivia and criminal law questions, getting us ready for the test tomorrow *remembers that she has yet to study, or finish her 94 valentines!* Aw poo ...
Period 3 was option sheets. We got a boring-as-hell lecture from the guidance councillors, then we headed off to the gym for the little kiosks that were set up for each course. Chris met me downstairs, and I headed upstairs with him, Mal, Sarah and I think that was it ... I dunno :?. We wandered a bit, and Chris, I swear is like on a leash with me. He was never more than 5 metres away from me at all times. It was funny. After a while, we just gave up on looking at courses and Mal and I teamed up on Geoff to start a lets-kick-Geoff-in-the-bu m-war-and-leave-footprint s-on-his-sweater! We definitely won.
During lunch I went downstairs to catch up with Mal, and what to my surprise, at about 11:15, somebody pulled the fire alarm!! So I headed outside, and we kinda got separated from everyone, and we just made our way into the student parking lot. I looked at some of the cars, and I saw a beige Honda, and I said to myself, "Hey, isn't that Ian's car?" At that point, I turned around and I see Ian, Jordan and Cam running towards the car. Mal and I take full advantage of this, and jump in the car as well. Ian drove around the school and the LOEB for about 10 minutes, then we headed back into the school.
Art was boring, and frustrating. I'm really hating the project we're doing. I have to draw myself, and I look even shittier than usual. Oi.
After that, I had English, where we had to choose topics and partners for a project. I went with Jessie, she's so awesome, and we're doing Karl Marx. The bastard. lol. After we chose all of our topics, it was basically a free period. And I discovered that on Geoff's matchmaker list, we're both each other's #1 matches, but I'm also his #1 astro match. Man, kick in the butt eh?
Drama I did nothing but dwell on some thoughts and sit on Eric. I was SUPPOSED to be watching [i] Guys and Dolls[/i] but ... no. lol
After school I stayed for a SEARS fest rehearsal. And I was thrilled to find out that since I've been such a help, even though I'm not official, Ms. Stewart is taking me to the competition performance on the 3rd!! I was sooo happy!! That day, we go to SRB, then "return for 2:30". By that she means, we're done at 1:00 then we can go home, but we're all just going to Andrew's. Then we're going to meet Ms. Stewart back at SRB at about 5:00 and have a cast & crew pizza dinner. Should be fun!!
During rehearsal, Mal and I ran around putting up publicity posters for the show. We got back in time to see the last 2 scenes. Ari kept forgetting his last line, and speeding it up, making him seem even more desperate to get out of the scene! It was soooo funny, just 'cause it's Ari!!
I was going to bus to my gramma's, but I met Dawn in the foyer, so she offered me a ride home. Once I got home, I stayed for about ...3 minutes and then left again to go bowling with my mother. I ended up with a 161, 173 and 256. In the first 2 games I was getting used to the lanes. They're alot different than Walkley. But I finished the day with a +10. So that made me happy, plus I beat my mom! Woo hoo!!
So I got home, finished my chem lab and then entered my blog. Now that I'm done this, I plan to head to my room and work dilligently on my valentines while studying for law. *dies* Uuugh ... law. lol.
ttfn
-=blacknaiad=-
P.S. The subject of my name is just complaining about the burn on my hand that I got from Saturday while putting wood into the wood stove. It's really narsty. Yes, narsty.
Well today, *as I speak to Chris on speaker phone* ...
I was sick. So I slept in 'till about 9:20 ^^, then I got up, and wandered around the house aimlessly until about 10:45. At which point I put one of my faveorite movies (NAKED!! haha Chris I put it in there for you!! ^^) no, I had clothes on ... I watched the movie [i]The Princess Bride[/i] I love that movie. So I like chick flicks. Big deal!!
After that I started working on my chem lab, and stuck another of my faveorite (NAKED!! ^^) movies [i]Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade[/i] *orgasm at the thought of Harrison Ford* lol.
Katie talked to me on the phone for like ... 3 hours and now Chris called me like two seconds after I hung up the phone with her. lol. Nothing really interesting happened.
People are apparently talking to eachother and are happier today, which is sad 'cause I missed it.
Anyway, I'm on the phone and it's hard to speak and type at the same time. lol.
First off, Mal did not come to school. Which was sad. I was told by several people that she was taking a "personal day" due to the fear that if she came to school, she'd hurt someone.
What happened was that over the weekend, a little thing came up over these blogs we have here. Chris, in response to an entry from Sarah stated that he doesn't like Colin, Mal's boyfriend. He continued on that topic in his blog calling him an asshole I believe. This upset Mal, and rightfully so. She ended up cutting herself again. :cry:
The worst part of this is the fact that none of this was ever intended to happen. Chris stated the whole "I don't like Colin" bit in order to help Sarah feel better (she cut herself as well). He wrote about it in his blog, following our groups philosophy of, "Don't care who reads your blogs, it's your journal and it's supposed to be a therapudic thing. Don't filter anything out. People will find out eventually anyway". And also I don't think he meant it to come out the way it did. Chris wouldn't harm a fly.
But I also believe that Mal is justified in her anger. You shouldn't have to find out that your ex bf thinks your current bf is an asshole through a journal. She called him last night at about 11:30 and bitched at him for half an hour. I haven't talked to Chris about any of this, so I have no idea how he felt about that, but it was kinda theraputic for Mal.
Also if you read her entry from today, you'll see her praising her friends. This afternoons issue was that in her little paragraph about Jade, some people think Mal was calling Jade a slut. Check for yourself.
[i]Honey, you know I love you, right? And I'm sure right now, these words will sting deeper than anything you've ever heard. But you are standing on dangerous ground. I know this is what you think you want, but hun deep inside you are so much like me, I can feel your pain. You can't live like this. Just because he can walk, he's a virgin, or he's got a dick the size of a god, doesn't mean it's good reason to jump in the sack. One of these days you're going to come across a guy who may seem alright, and you'll see he's not. If all they want is a couple of jumps in the hay, they obviously don't respect you enough to care. I can't tell you how to live, but I can tell you, that the longer you live like this, the less respect you are getting from your friends.[/i]
Now I dunno if I'm dense, or maybe it's just because I know Mal personally, but I do not think calling Jade a slut was what she intended on doing. Mal is the type of person who would rather say what she felt to the persons face rather than have them hear it through the grape vine.
Also, Jade, on MSN this afternoon, made the decision to not hang out with our group of friends anymore.
[i]Jade: i'm just done with it all Me: with all what Jade: everyone. i'm not hanging with people who think this about me and don't tell me to my face they have to say it behind my back and thats wrong. i'm just done with everything and everyone[/i]
Great I have just discovered that Mal is no longer going to enter into her blog.
[i]Well ladies, and gentlemen, it's been fun. I've had a blast sharing every detail of my life with you fine people. But it's been pointed out to me, that they're evil. They truly are. They're tearing everyone up inside. And so I'm leaving you now, never to write again. Have fun.[/i]
Oi. :(
Jade brought it to my attention this morning (before her decision was made) that since our group has been getting in such arguments lately, that maybe we're just spending too much time together. And I think I agree. There are points during the week, where everyone would have been at Andrew's after school every day.
I just hope that we can hold everything together. To have a group of friends come crashing down is such a terrible thing, and I don't ever want to go through it again. (It happened a few years ago to me.) All of my friends mean so much to me, and each of them has something I love about them. I couldn't bare for us all to lose contact with each other. :(
Other than that, today was pretty uneventful. I got my iFlurtz matchmaker thing at lunch today and guess who my #1 match is! Geoff.:!: :shock: :( We filled the thing out while we were still going out too. Oi. When I told him he laughed. Hard. That's what hurt. I damned near cried when I saw his name on the paper, and when he laughed it was like ice cold daggers being sent through me. It was such a mocking laugh. I don't think he meant for it to be the way I'm taking it, but hey, it's me and I'm stupid.
Ehh, the rest of the day was uneventful. I did make copper today in chem though. lol. After school I talked about most of the preceding issues online, talked to Katie on the phone, and searched the web for some valentines I can use. Hey, I'm cheap. Do you realise that I have 94 valentines to give out?? 94!! And I have to print all of these off too! I'll be busy for the evening, that’s for sure. And if my cough gets any worse, I may stay home tomorrow. A perfect chance to finish that.
Anyway, I think I should start printing off those valentines.
ttfn
-=blacknaiad=-
P.S. If anyone wishes to keep in touch with Mal (Malibu87) just message me, and I have her add you onto MSN or something.
It's the middle of the day, so I'm not acutally going to enter a blog right now, but I'll do this survey that I tried to post twice yesterday, but never worked. Enjoy. [LINE] I n f o r m a t i o n 1. name: Kayla 2. single or taken: single 3. sex: Female 4. birthday: Wouldn't you like to know 6. siblings: 1 brother 7. hair color: brown 8. eye color: greyish, greenish blue in the morning, deep blue at night 9. shoe size: anywhere from 8-12 10. height: 5'8"
R e l a t i o n s h i p s 1. who are your best friends?: Oh God, this may take a while (DON'T BE OFFENDED BY THE ORDER OF NAMES PEOPLE!!) Mal, Geoff, Eric, Katie, Meagan, Meaghan, Debra, Davina, Ryan, Sara, Sarah, Steve, Matt, Ian, Shane, Kelsey, Dawn, Chris, Ben, Ashley, Lauren ... let's just say drama ppl, MHS people and SCES/BPPS ppl. 2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No
F a s h i o n | s t u f f 1. where is your favorite place to shop: I like places with pants ... but West 49 and Warrens when they have sales on, Bluenotes, and anywhere downtown. 2. any tattoos or piercings: 4 piercings.
S p e c i f i c s 1. do you do drugs?: no 2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Dove 3. what are you most scared of?: life, and not saying goodbye and I'm sorry before I die 5. who is the last person that called you?: Chris 6. where do you want to get married?: Doesn't matter .... hopefully the groom will be there too. 7. how many buddies are online right now?: 15 8. what would you change about yourself?: Everything.
F a v o r i t e s 1. colour: Red, blue and black (yes I know that black is NOT colour, but I still like it!) 2. food: my mom's meat pie and spaghetti 3. boys names: Matthew 4. girls names: I dunno, girls suck!! Hey ... wait a sec ... 5. subjects in school: Drama and history. Art stuff sin't bad either 6. animals: I love animals, so it doesn't really matter 7. sports: Swimming, hockey and bowling. Yes bowling is a sport if played competitively, like me!! ^^ Football isn't bad either ...
H a v e | y o u | e v e r 1. given anyone a bath?: Yea 2. smoked?: Blegh, no 3. bungee jumped?: Yeah, if you count the bunjee jump at Wonderland! 4. made yourself throw up?: Yeah, I was really sick. 5. skinny dipped?: Yea 6: ever been in love?: Yes 7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: To get out of trouble no, made myself cry, yes. 8. pictured your crush naked?: Not naked ... topless yea!! 9. actually seen your crush naked?: Yea 10. cried when someone died?: No, I am a emotionless, feelingless cyborg. You will be assimilated! Duh! Of course I have! 11. lied: who hasn't? 12. fallen for your best friend?: yea 13. been rejected?: Hi have you met me? Of course I have! It's me! 14. rejected someone?: I don't think so, remember I'M the one who gets rejected. 15. used someone?: no 16. done something you regret?: Only to much...
C u r r e n t clothes: Jean's, Mr. Sparkle t-shirt!! Burgundy longsleeve underneath, socks, black bra and underwear. music: Live - All Over You make-up: Black eye liner and concealer annoyance: Parents and life smell: of me? umm babypowder / fruictus hair wax of the room? *sniffs* kinda smells like my mom's spaghetti sauce ... favorite group: Linkin Park and Sum 41, among others desktop picture: The cow I drew in paint! *makes it tblog display pic* book youre reading: Um, Much Ado About Nothing, LOTR: Fellowship and a crapload of others, I'm just too lazy to type them all. cd in player: The mix I made the other day dvd in player: Holloywood Homicide color of toenails: Red and blue
L a s t | p e r s o n you touched: Um ... Geoff I think, I poked him. hugged: Sarah you imed: Katie ... or Geoff. Oh wait, now it's Katie lol you yelled at: my parents you kissed: Geoff
A r e | y o u understanding: I try open-minded: I would think so arrogant: you tell me insecure: I don't think so ... interesting: You tell me random: Hell yeah, meet me and you'll agree hungry: not currently smart: They tell me I'm gifted ... I think it's a typo. moody: Sometimes, especially when my Aunt Flow visits :? hard working: If I need to be organized: I'd like to think so. healthy: More than the average person shy: No!! difficult: you tell me attractive: ha!! that's a lark. In other words ... no bored easily: Not really messy: Only in my locker and bedroom, and that's seldom. responsible: Usually obsessed: with what?? angry: When I get really depressed, I get violent ...
W h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a kill: Paul Bernardo, Carla Holmolka (sp??), Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and other disgraces to the human race like them. slap: um ... no one currently look like: anyone but me talk to offline: anyone ... but right now especially Mal talk to online: anyone
R a n d o m in the morning i am: perky but tired all i need is: um ... air music and friends love is: biting me in the arse right now i dream about: Everything and anything
O p p o s i t e | s e x what do you notice first: Humour, smile and hygene last person you slow danced with: Geoff worst question to ask: Any touchy subject makes you laugh the most: Anyone, I laugh at anything makes you smile: jokes, and lies (better known as compliments) who do you have a crush on: ... who has a crush on you: Chris. I think that's it (Oh Chris, you're so crazy)
D o | y o u | e v e r sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: If no one is up and it's important. But before I was grounded off for an eternity, yea. save conversations: Yea, my comp does automatically wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Only when Aunt Flow is over. wish you were younger: Only when I have too many responsibilites, but since I can drive now, No way!! cried because someone said something to you?: Yes, frequently ...
N u m b e r of times i have had my heart broken: once of hearts i have broken: one of guys ive kissed: oh geez, I gotta count ... 8 I think of girls ive kissed: none on the lips, but most of my close gf's I've kissed on the cheek of continents i have lived in: 1 of tight friends: oh god, like 25 of cds i own: 24 of scars on my body: far too many to count
F i n a l | q u e s t i o n s 1. do you like fillings these out?: sure... Why not... 5. gold or silver: silver 6. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: Butterfly Effect! 7. favorite cartoon/anime? Family Guy, The Simpsons, Sponge Bob, and Sailor Moon! 8. what did you have for breakfast this morning? Wffles and milk. Yes there was syrup there too. 10. who would you love being locked in a room with? Anyone funny. And ... NOT a cannibal 11. could you live without your computer? Yes, but not easily 12. would you color your hair? Yes!! 13. could you ever get off the computer? When I'm tired or my parents bitch at me. 14. habla espanol? I can understand the basics, but I can't speak it. 15. how many people are on your buddy list? 127 16. drink alcohol? no [LINE] Didja like it?? ThatswhatIthought.
Well there are a few developments today, which just occured when I read my friends blogs.
Mal has cut her wrists again :( (malibu87). God! I want to help her! I'm not sure if she's still grounded or even which house she's at, so all I could do was respond to her post: (by the way, this will make alot more sense if you read her blog)
[i]Mal. What can I say. All I know is that you're going through tough times, though it may not seem that way on the surface. I know you know that if you ever want help you're welcome to come to me for it, but I want to re-enforce it. You're welcome at my house any time. Remember, if you go, I go too. I love you. You're the sister I never had. I'm going to do everything in my power to help you through this. And don't forget. There are tonnes of people who love you and value your friendship, love, and life. THAT makes you human. *hug and love*[/i]
I'm hoping that will make her a little happier until Monday morning. And like I said in my response, if she goes, I go too. If it wasn't for her, I'd be dead now anyway. If I hadn't of spent new years eve with her, I'd be dead. I had the advil ready and everything. I love her, and I don't want any more pain to come to her.
Also, Sarah (Almightyblah) cut herself today. She says she feels like she no longer has any friends because Colin doesn't like her because she's "too depressed" and Steve ... well she still loves him. Trust me Sarah, I know that feeling all too well. My response to her post was: (I'll post Chris' too, it'll make more sense that way.)
[i]Ozmosis: Sarah, it is not true that everyone hates you. I can't speak for all, but I happen to enjoy having your friendship. Also if anyone doesn't want you at Andrew's, then I don't want them there, 'cause I prefer your company to alot of the others, i.e. Colin. Any problem with him you have doesn't reflect on the groups feeling toward you, alot of us don't like him. Plus, self-mutilation is unnecessary if you're doing it 'cause you think none cares. 'Cause I care. I always care. If you need a friend, I am always here for you. Just so you know, I'm your friend.
Blacknaiad: Sarah, I totally concur with Chris. If it wasn't for the whole psychic link, I would say more stuff, but the truth is, he pretty much summed up exactly how I feel. If I didn't want you as a friend, do you think that I'd have dragged you to Montreal two days ago? No, I don't think so! As Chris said, I cannot speak for all, but both Chris and I enjoy your company and value your friendship!! *hug and love*[/i]
She responded to Chris' post earlier, saying it made her feel a lot better. So yeah. Now I'm hoping no one does anything stupid tonight. :? :(
[LINE]
Other than that I've decided that since each Sunday for me is usually petty uneventful, I'll post something anaylising life, or just random survey posts. Today's topic will be love.
Love, by definition is:
[i]A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. [/i]
or
[i]A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. [/i]
The way things have been going lately, I'm beginning to think that it's all a load of bullshit. At least for me. I don't want any of you kids in happy relationship going to re-think everything and this make you break up. I'm just thinking now that there's no way in hell that I'll ever find "the one". It's just not possible. I don't deserve it. And besides that, no one takes a second glance at me, let alone a first glance. No one deserves to have me as a burden in their life for any amount of time. Talk to my ex boyfriend about that one, he'll agree.
I'll think I'm in love, and that nothing can knock me down, then it comes up and bites me in the arse. And this isn't just in relationships, friendships too. There are the back stabbers (I'm sure we all know a few of those), those you think you know, but you don't, and those friends that you don't think you deserve at all because of how absolutely amazing they are.
I just wish I could find a happy medium. My life is currently an emotional teeter-totter. The days that I'm up, all my friends are down, so down I come. And the days I'm down, I make myself feel worse, knowing that I'm making people around me feel like shit (And Chris too, I could be in Cambodia, and he'd know I was feeling like shit.)
Also, love blinds you, therefore enabling you to make bad judgement calls. I still believe that I would still be with Geoff right now if it was not for some stupid judgement calls I made. That will bug me every day, probably for the rest of my life.
In the end, my life goal up to this point has been to find my true love. I realize that it's not possible. For me. I'll likely grow old and alone in a house with a lot of cats, with a rocking chair and rifle on the front porch.
First I got up and went bowling. They turned it into a YBC 4-steps practice, so I didn't get to bowl with my regular team. :( I finished with a +25, so it was an okay bowling morning.
Urrg, I asked my boss what time I should be in tomorrow for work, and he said 12:00. I was like SWEET!! I get to sleep in. If our lanes hadn't of broken down and held us up for half an hour, he would never of found me and told me that he was wrong and that i had to come in for 9:00. But he was nice about it, cause he know's I'm sleep deprived, (even more so on weekends than during the week) so he's letting me come in at 10:00.
After bowling, my mom dragged me to Staples, but in return I got 10 CD-RW's :D and a lunch at Wendy's.
Once done there, I was dropped off at Chris' house. We didn't really do too much. We sat in his room, watched Family Guy, ate some brownies (no, not special brownies) and just talked about random crap. Though un-eventful, if was fun none the less. And I tried my first pizza pocket ... or pop. Whatever :?. If I was starving I'd eat it ... but I didn't think it was that good.
Oh, and before I went to the bus stop, Chris showed me the Time Warp dance from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Incase you are not aware, MHS Drama Council is doing that dance for Airbandz, and Chris thought I should see it. Our dance is almost the same during the chorus, and the movie itself looks terrifying. Therefore, great!! ^^
So Chris walked me to the bus stop before he headed off to Andrew's to go bowling. Man I wish I could have gone to that ... stupid babysitting. On the bus, I ran into one of my old friends from Sawmill Creek E.S. Shawn. He's so great, no matter how many issues he has. Since I had to get off really soon, I didn't get to talk to him too much, but he's seeing a therapist now, which is good, 'cause he says he's feeling better. Stupid life, giving people issues ...
I bused to my Gramma's and I stayed there for about 45 minutes, before I went babysitting. It was okay, for having a conversation with my Gramma, until she brought up Geoff. Apparently no one had told her about our break up. Urg, that kid had been out of my mind the whole day. The worst part was that she kept asking "Why? What happened? Why did he break up with you??" I just wanted to say "Shut up" but I couldn't.
Anyway, at about 6:55 I headed out to go babysitting. Those kids are getting on my nerves.
Okay, so there's a deal we have, due to an issue that arose earlier in the year. Each time I come over, one girl gets to pick the movie, the other girl gets to pick the game/other movie, and each time we alternate. Tonight when it was Tasha's turn to pick the game/movie, she said she wanted to watch another episode of the Simpsons. I told her that it's either that or a game. And once that they were done, they had to go straight to bed. So she said that was fine. At 8:22, I sent the kids to bed, and Tasha flipped!! She was kicking and screaming, and crying too. She started yelling "I changed my mind!!" Each time I come over she cries, even though she knows it does nothing to me. I'm very much like my father, the kids can threaten to hold their breath, and I won't care. (FYI, you can't hold your breath to death. The worst that can happen is you pass out, that way you body can stop focusing on being conscious and shift it's way onto breathing.) I don't get guilted into caving like that. But she was screaming at the top of her lungs & keeping her sister awake. I wouldn't have done anything if it hadn't of been for the fact that she started coughing. She has asthma, and I hate giving her the puffer, so whenever I hear her cough, I check on her. So we played a quick round of snakes and ladders then they went to bed peacefully. On the bright side, I made $17.00 for 3 hours work. Not a bad pay out. :)
I went to my Gramma's and my mom picked me up. I got home about 45 minutes ago, and I'm getting ready to burn a CD *is happy*. I read my friends blogs, and both Steve and Sarah are depressed. :( To the both of you, I am making it my mission to make you happy. I'm gonna write an email tonight to a whole bunch of people and see if we can do something next Saturday night. Why? 'Cause I LOVE you!!
I'll tell you about my day tomorrow .... tomorrow. lol.
*watches Pirates of the Carribean ... again* lol, I'm so pathetic.
Wow, I've entered a blog for every day this week! I'm so proud of me.
Okay, so today was finally the day that I ventured off to Montreal with my school.
First, I got to school at about 7:20, bought batteries, and then made my way to see Chris, Andrew, Jade, Mal and company. Sadly, Mal wasn't there. Anyway, Chris came to see me off and Mal popped up saying she had missed her bus. (Mal did you end up going to math or not?)
We got on the bus (after Chris picked me up off my feet once of twice :roll: )and off we went. We watched Mr. Deeds on the way down ... or up ... whatever. I played travel battleship and got my arse whopped my Meagan. We played two rounds, and each time, she missed a total of 3 times. I swear she's psychic or something. And I avoided having my picture taken by Sarah.
Once we got there, we went into the exhibit. It was all stuff from the 60's and some of it was actually pretty damn cool. And alot was freaking trippy to the max! lol. The gallery is surprisingly small. I know I don't take uber amounts of time looking at stuff, but in the 2 hours that we were there, we saw the whole museum, and ate at the ridiculously over priced cafeteria and still had time to spare.
Since we ate while we were supposed to be looking, it bought us extra time to go shopping. So the whole crew of us, being Sarah, Sara, Davina, Meagan, Ryan and myself, made our way down to St. Catherine's street and looked for somewhere to shop. I shall summarize the days purchases:
-Sarah bought a red t-shirt (Red, wow!! If you know Sarah, you'd know she only wears black) that had a sad pig on it holding flowers saying "Please don't eat me ... I love you!" (Sarah's also a vegetarian) and soup at Subway -Sara bought a Pink Floyd CD ^^ and a sub at Subway -Davina bought yet ANOTHER pair of sunglasses 8) I think every time I go shopping with her, she needs a new pair of sunglasses and a sub at Subway. -Meagan bought a sweet arse dark grey sweater for $32.51 -Ryan bought nothing but a sub at Subway ... the hoser lol. -Kayla bought (go me!!) a Mr. Sparkle t-shirt!! lol It's so damn cool, a Zippo lighter aaaaaand, a souvenir thimble. (Shaddup, I've collected thimbles since I was born. I've got about 200 now)
Now, we had to be back to the bus for 3:15 sharp. And SOMEHOW we ended up in Sexville/China town. I'm not even joking. Every second shop was either a Chinese food restaurant or a strip club. And as soon as I said "Okay, so we're lost." A huge gust of wind filled with painfully sharp and blinding snow came down upon us. It was crazy timing. We called our teacher and she can't read a map for beans (let alone print off a good map off of mapquest.com). So all she said was to make it to Crescent st.
We surprisingly made it onto the bus just on time. Now, the way home was about twice as long as the way there. We pulled out at about 3:25 pm, we got back at 7:40 pm. It was sooo long. When we barely had enough time to watch one movie on the way up, we watched two, and if we had of had another, we could have watched it too. lol.
The bus itself ride was ... interesting. Ismar (one of the prominent dorks of MHS) shoved one of those greyhound bus trash bags over his head. And we all thought he was already brain dead enough without trying to die from asphyxia. Also Edith and Lee-Ann, along with a few others, kept shouting "I NEED A SMOKE!!" And then there were the cell phone calls with the uttering of the death threats and such. Really, it was truly enlightening. :?
But one good thing is that I got to talk to my ex-crush Cory Graham. I was obsessed with that kid for 2 years (mid gr 5 to early gr7) and we hadn't really spoken since. He sat behind me, and though he is into the weed hardcore, his humour hasn't changed. lol.
After we finally got back to school, my mother took me out to Swiss Chalet. Mmmmmmm yummy dinner :). When I got home, I called Chris at Andrew's. He had to leave, so when he picked up the phone, he sounded angry, and the first thing he said was "When am i going to see you again?!" I was like, "woah, easy turbo." lol. So tomorrow, I'm watching the 3rd season of Family Guy chez him. lol. Guy beside chez, makes it look like Gui. Oh me. lol.
Anyway, the movie is getting to the last big battle, so I shall inform you all of tomorrow's events ... tomorrow.
That was great!! One of my friends was on TV for Athlete of the Week.
Today was finally the day of MacHomer. I wore my dress to school and everyone was like "wtf?! Kayla can attempt being pretty?? NO WAY!!".
I ran into Mal, who I helped change into her georgous burgundy dress. I love that thing, and that kid ^^. Then into Davina and Sara who were also dressing formal with us. Mal thought that Jade was wearing the exact same dress I had on, but it turned out we didn't, they were just crazy similar.
Every class was just bullshit, we seriously did nothing. The teachers rambeled on about nothing. Seriously!! OH!! Remember how yesterday Tyler and I went around all lunch hour looking for his in-class essay?? Yeah, well it turns out that Geoff had it. He found it ... 2 days ago at lunch but since he was at Insight yesterday, he never got to see Tyler, and he ended up giving it to him in Law today. I thought Tyler and I were going to die! Tyler spent ALL of yesterday re-writing the essay. But he says that in the end, the new essay is better. lol, I guess it all works out in the end.
So after a lunch of helping Tyler look for someone to proof read the essay (man that thing takes up alot of my time ^^) we got onto the bus for MacHomer. Mal, Jade, Geoff and I stuck together. The ride there was hillarious. Jade took out her cell, programmed Geoff's home number into it, then called it and we all left a message for him, even Geoff. lol, I hope he records it or something. And ... there happened to alot of nun jokes :? lol.
Once we got there, we got our tickets, and were thrilled to discover that we were sitting in the orchestra pit, third row from the stage!! I was centre too (after we kicked some seat hoppers out).
The show itself was awesome. What it is, is a one-man show of Macbeth, played by the Simpsons characters. It was great! There were a few voices that he really couldn't do, but you have to give him credit! The guy does 50 separate voices in that show alone! Plus, after the show, he did a Bohemian Raphsody by the 25 most annoying artists in the music industry. You may have seen it on the comedy network. I thought it was great! His Metallica, Meatloaf and Guns n' Roses impressions were awesome! Especially his Rolling Stones impression. And he did Seteven Tyler from Aerosmith like no one I know.
After the show, while we were standing outside waiting for the bus to pick us up, I looked at Geoff, and something wasn't right. It all of a sudden hit me that I coudn't see his Lord of the Rings ring. Now, during the show I looked next to me, and (Geoff was sitting next to me [ :( oh the Stratford memories]) he had his ring necklace off and was holding it infront of him. This was the silver LOTR ring he got for Christmas, and he wears it around his neck on a silver chain. I double checked and I couldn't see any necklace, so I said "Um, Geoff, where's your ring?". He patted his chest, and all of a sudden this freaked out look came over his face and he yelled "SHIT!" and darted (in a way that only Geoff can dart) towards the door, with his hand still searching. Right before he went in the door, he discovered he was wearing it. Oh man he was so freaked out!! I was laughing so hard, and he was all like "NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!" while laughing though. lol. I don't think I'll ever forget that.
On the way back, Mal, Jade, Geoff and I managed to snag the back seats of the bus, and we just goofed around. lol, we made some more crooked jokes, and that's about it.
After that we stayed after school for SEARS fest. Before the rehearsal started, we ran into Mandy and Chris. It seems that Mandy asked Chris to drop her on her head. :? And he did it. Now you have to admit, it's not THAT intelligent. But with the way our group has been fucked up recently, nothing surprises me anymore. So Mal was mad/disappointed in Chris, and so was I. I talked to him, and we straightened out that the fact he wasn't thinking, and we all have really bad judgement from time to time.
While waiting for our bus in the foyer, it came up that I want my parents to get a divorce. Geoff said "That's never a good thing when you want your parents to get a divorce." I explained to him that you have no idea what it's like until you live through it. (Geoff's family is like a dream. I love every member of his family and the friends of his family too.) Mal piped up agreeing with me, then Geoff saw our point. He agreed but then Andrew came in saying some really insensitive stuff. He didn't mean to, that's just Andrew. He doesn't know any better. He was basically telling Mal how she felt when she was like 6 years old. That just ticked her off and rightfully so. So she went out towards the bus stop, and Geoff and I went with her.
We stood there just goofing around. The finally the 116 came. We got on, then after a few stops, Geoff had to get off. He got up saying "Hugs all around!" So I hugged him, so did Erica, and then Mal did. Now this was really the only bad thing that happened to me today. It just hurt inside. A lot. He kissed Mal on the cheek. I'm not sure if it was just to try to make her feel better, but either way, it made me feel worse. God I miss him :cry:
After Geoff got off, something was said, I'm not exactly sure 'cause I was listening to music, and it really upset Mal. She ended up crying herself to sleep, on the bus!! I sat beside her, just rubbing her back. It's sometimes best when you're just there for her, but not saying anything. She got off, and seemed okay, but I'm going to email her before I go to bed, just to check in on her.
Just to lighten the mood, I'll tell a story. We got off the 116 and were waiting for the 142. Now Mal just wanted to take a little breather walk. I asked where she was going. (Man, it just hit me now, that she may have wanted to be alone for like ... 3 seconds or something. Mal! If you ever need me to fuck off, just tell me to do so!!) She tells me she was just walking, so I kinda girly ran after her in my platform shoes. Now, on the bus, when I sat down, apparently, one of my dress straps broke. So when I ran after her well, I yelled, "SHIT! My boob is popping out!!" But I'm glad I did run after her, it made her laugh. :)
Now, before I even left the school, I asked Andrew if I could stick at his house until my mother came to pick me up. He said "yes" so then I called my mother to confirm. Now, we walk into Andrew's house, and then Lynn (Jade's mother who's looking after Andrew, Katie, Megan and Eric while they're in Florida) comes to the door and says "Sorry guys, we're having a people free evening. You're gonna have to leave." So Chris and I just look at each other and just think " .... alllright ...". So I ended up spending half an hour at Chris'. After I changed we just looked through yearbooks. Then my mother came to the door, and I was anti-thrilled to hear the "Oh you look so much like your mother." comments from Chris' mom.
So now I'm at home with just my mother, dad's at hockey, and tomorrow I'm going to Montreal with my art class. Should be fun. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow night.
*father does a bragging dance in the background* ... he's doing well on Jeporday. :?
Okay well the parentals aren't fighting, but they're not speaking either. I dunno, I just want outta here.
Um, today ... today ... hm. Well Eric skipped homeroom/math to write our Ancient Civs project. It actually went really well. It's funny. We alternate in doing projects together, he'll do nothing, and I do everything, then vice versa. It's an unspoken mutual agreement. lol.
Lunch ... I helped my friend Tyler look around for his English in-class essay. He lost it yesterday, and our English teacher ... well his current one, my old one. I couldn't take how brutal this guy is. (I'll explain Danforth one day). We didn't succeed, but he got an extension. Which is good. And Tyler told me something today, totally in confidence! I was like, "Wow! You trust me!" Which is why I'm not gonna say what he told me! lol.
During English we had a guidance councillor come in to talk to us about University. God it made the think. I realized how screwed I am. But I did write a letter to one of my friends in University. lol. I really should mail that out.
Geoff will hug anyone, he even kissed Jade today :(. But when I asked for a hug, he kinda ... well didn't. So I hugged him, but he didn't hug back. @$%#! Man, I wish I could get over him.
After school, Terri came over and watched most of Finding Nemo with me before I had to leave for bowling. Before my dad dropped me off, he bought me new headphones for my discman. My cat ate yet ANOTHER pair last night *wants to kick cat*. I went bowling for about an hour, and when you're practicing and not taking little breaks every minute or two, it gets tiring. But I did well. Our regional team has a damn good chance of winning!
Just to point it out to everyone, VALENTINES DAY SUCKS! *hates self for losing Geoff* At least when you've got no one to spend it with, and when you have to work for 9 1/2 hours. *dies at the thought*.
Anyway, Sean Cullen is singing about a chipmunk eating your bum on TV, so it's kinda distracting. I shall tell you all about MacHomer tomorrow. G'night
*listens to theme's from Pirates of the Carribean* Ah, gotta love that movie.
Ummm ... okay today wasn't interesting at all. My parents still weren't talking when I left home this morning, and even now aren't speaking to each other. I'm so sick of all of this.
In Ancient Civs, I realized that one of the few people I would expect, has the same current philosophy in life as I do: Life's a bitch, filled with heartache, what the hell's the point??
And now it's time for ... RANDOM POEMS BY KAYLA'S FRIENDS!!
I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life, Wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder, Where you are or what you do. I'm sorry, I can't help myself. I fell in love with you. -By Jade Daniels (copyright).
That poem ... I mean .... wow. I love it. Really I do. It completely describes how I feel. *hugs Jade*.
Anyway, back to my day ... I stayed after school for two reasons. 1) to "audition" for the schools Airbandz, even though we're automatically in, because we're a council. We're doing ours to Time Warp. It's sooo great. 2) I stayed for Sears fest. rehearsal. I don't care if I'm not an official member! Ms. Stewart likes me (I think), I help out, and I just like spending as much time with my friends and away from home right now.
Yeah, I think I lot one of my bankbooks today. I can't find it or a $42 cheque anywhere. But shhh, don't tell anyone, if I did, I'll be sooo pissed.
After rehearsal, I wandered the mall with Debra and Chris. We didn't really do much, but laugh at Debra as she missed bus after bus. It was soooo funny. Especially when she did her "walking into the wind" part. Man she's great. She's also said that if I ever need time away from my house, I'm welcome there. Debra's great.
Yeah, by the way Debra, if you're reading this, I want to inform you that you, in fact, do NOT know my birthday, despite the fact that you've bought me b-day presents every year. lol
*sighs* Okay, well, mom is giving me the whole "It's time to get off" . The computer that is (Shut up Chris, I know you were thinking it!!) I guess I'll add a blog later or something.
Argh! Dammit, my last entry didn't load ... so I'm going to try to remember exactly what I wrote.
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So, didja see Janet's boob? lol, thought I should ask ...
Last night, my parents got into yet another rediculous fight. I really hope they get divorced. I know half of the kids reading this who have divorced parents are saying "What the hell's wrong with you?!" and the other half is saying "I hear that." I'm siding with the "I hear that" crowd. It would make life so much easier. I said to my mother this morning before I left, "I think I'm going to see if I can sleep over for a week at someone's house or something, I need to get out of here." If it wasn't for the fact that she said, "Please Kayla don't, I need your help right now" I'd be writing this blog from someone else's house.
Today I realized that most of my friends in one of my groups of friends have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Mal got a boyfriend this morning ^^ *does happy dance for her and Colin*. I don't really know Colin, so I can't really say too much about it. Also, Andew asked out Sarah. She was so happy!! I hadn't seen her smiling so much in a long time, so that felt good.
I'm kinda feeling left out. Andrew simply said "Go out with Geoff." I wanted to shoot him, but I know he didn't mean it, he was just being Andrew. Mal said to go out with Chris. But I'm really not sure about how I'm feeling towards that kid. *Hates emotions* :?
I think I've come to the conclusion that if I want to move on, I need to meet new people. But I love all of my old people so much.
*points to new links* Okay, Frostythesnocat's blog is one of my best friend's blog; Eric. He's awesome. Gotta love that kid. To link this to the last topic, Eric's current love life is a tangled web. I suggest you read his blog, more details will be revealed.
In Eric's blog, he says he's worried about me. Eric, don't waste your feelings on me, it's not worth it. That goes for all of you. Don't waste your precious time on me when there are so many other people out there far more deserving of your love.
Geoffica's Livejournal is ... well, Geoff's livejournal. Read his entries (there's only 2 s far) and you'll see why I miss him so.
Ummm .... okay school wasn't too eventful .. but Mal and I decided that on Thurday, when we go to the NAC to see MacHomer, we're going formal. She raided my closet on Friday night, and she foud the dress I bought for the school Oscars, but never got to wear 'cause it as canelled. So I put it on, and these were her exact words: "Kayla you're lucky I'm not a man, 'cause I'd rape you right now!" Cute kid that Mal. Yeah, and we're wearing them again on the 12th, the last day before Valentines Day.
After school, I waited for a bus that never came, so I couldn't go to Lincon Feilds to get my SIN number. So on the bus to South Keys, who should I meet up with, but my friend Liz. I don't think I've mentioned her, but I must point out that this girl is awesome! We wandered around Walmart and Future Shop, and we got the high score on one of the computers. We signed it as KLAIYZ. lol, good times.
After that, I came home. Mom and Dad weren't talking so it was pretty akward. I took refuge in my room. Dad left for a hockey meeting, I had dinner, then I added to my blog.
So, that's my day kiddies. If anything else that's somewhat interesting should pop up, you'll be the first to know.
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Wow, I think that's pretty accurate as to what I had written, now let's hope it works this time! *copies it just in case* lol.
Okay, well the guys (Chris and Geoff) got back from TO on Wednesday morning. And there was a little surprise for me. Well not only me, but I think I took it the hardest:
Geoff is now dating again. :cry: He's with Angie from his Insight troupe. I love the kid, she's great, but I guess I just wasn't ready for it.
I found out in the middle of math, so I couldn't really do anything. I cried for a bit and my teacher let me out for a break in the bathroom where I cried for several minutes in a locked stall. :cry:
After that, I had world religions, but I was so distraught, at the beginning of class, my friend Meagan (bless her ^^) took me out of the class for a walk. And it's a good thing she did. I was kicking lockers and crying and saying 'fuck' really loudly while classes were going on. :x It's a good thing no teachers came out into the hall to see what the hell was going on, 'cause I would have snapped at them. After our little lap, I tried so sit down in class (by the way, Geoff was not there, he decided to sleep in) but I just couldn't do it, so I asked to get a drink of water, and then a few of my friends were skipping/had a spare/in photography class in the foyer, and they made me say what was going on. One of my friends Brianne (bless her too) came out of class and went back and told my teacher that I was going home and took my stuff out, so I'd have some time to cool down. I never did actually go home, 'cause my dad and mom were at work so there was no way for me to get home (there are no busses out here).
So I ended up spending most of the period in the basement with my friend Chris who came back from TO that morning. (He hadn't slept in 28 hours!! I made him sleep. lol) I skipped my next class, because it was an on-call teacher and it just so happened that it was my teacher from last period.
So Wednesday, there was a lot of venting of my emotions going on. I thank EVERY SINGLE PERSON who was in some way there for me. I swear my wrists would be gone if it weren't for you (another "good" reason I didn't go home).
I stayed for rehearsal, because both Chris and Mal asked me to. I also wanted to see how I would react to seeing Geoff. Well, it was interesting. He came in, and I thought I was going to combust. So I tried to stay away from him for most of it.
Y'wanna know how I deal with emotions? I went into the hall, took my happy markers, wrote what was pissing me off (in the middle a big, bold GEOFF) and while waiting for the bus, Chris gave me his lighter and I burnt it. The saddest part is that it actually helped. :?
I went to Andrew's after that, we ordered pizza, and I calmed down. Also, Chris started hitting on my hardcore. It was sweet, but I didn't need it at that moment. It was really funny though, 'cause he was REALLY horny :shock: lol.
Thursday, Geoff was there all day. I delt, and I stayed for rehearsal again. And (I'm really proud of myself for this) I hugged him and congratulated him on Angie. It was really ridiculously hard for me, but I needed to say something. According to Mal, it looked like he appreciated it too. I'm happy he's happy, but I'm not happy 'cause he's happy without me. Oh well, I'll have to learn to deal someday. Chris stuck with me for the grade 8 info night and comforted/hit on me. lol.
Friday .... Friday ... oh FRIDAY!! lol. Nothing too big happened. I began to feel a bit better around Geoff, just as long as I don't think. Seriously. He IS one of my best friends, and I'll have to realize that it will never be more at some point.
After school, I went to Mal's for an hour so she could pack and tidy up before we went over to Andrew's. But we never ended up tidying up lol. We just packed and talked in her room. After that we stayed at Andrew's until 8:30, when my mom and her friend Laurie picked us up in a hatchback filled with groceries. Man that was interesting. We got to my place, watched Chicago at like 10:30 and then talked in my room 'till about 1:30 am. She raided my closet and she's decided that we (just her and I) are going to have a formal day. We're just gonna wear our pretty dresses that we never get to wear on random days. I think the first day will be the last day of school before Valentine's Day. lol.
Saturday we woke up (too early for our liking) and she came to watch me bowl. We dropped Mal off, then I went home and wrote my English Macbeth essay. Then I spontaneously called Andrew's house to see who was still there, and everyone was. They ended up inviting me to see the Butterfly Effect with them, which was an awesome, though thought-provoking movie (not that that's a BAD thing, just a movie with Ashton Kutcher doesn't seem to be a deep thing lol).
After the movie, I ran into an old acquaintance, Nick Stechyson (I think that's how you spell it). We never really got along as kids. But he's really changed. I think he has a new outlook on life because, well ... he's dying. I never really asked from what, but he's on a Make a Wish commercial. He hugged me, and we talked for about half an hour. And his girlfriend is awesome! lol.
The scary thing about seeing Nick is that at my friend Brianne's birthday party, she brought the Ouija board out, and it said I'm supposed to marry him. :? It was kinda weird I'll say that much. And at the time, I though he was still a jerk. lol. But he's changed! He's really cool now.
After the movie, I went to Chris' house, and was then told to walk to my Granny's. Chris took me, and we never really made it there, 'cause we kept kicking bottles around that we found on the ground. (You must understand. my Granny's house is LITERALLY 45 seconds away.) I'm betting that every car that drove by us thought we were high. It was great.
Today I worked for what seemed like an eternity, got home, finished my essay and then added to my blog!
I'm not even going to try and explain the current mood I'm in. I have so many thoughts and emotions going through my head and I really just want it all to end. Litterally. I wish I could go back to the start of October and fix everything. Most of this stuff would never of happened and people would be happy, well happier if it wasn't for me. I'm sorry to everyone for the pain I've caused you.