A long time ago, I said I'd post my religions essay explaining my religious beliefs. Well it had been deleted off my hard drive, and I finally remembered to bring the hard copy home from school. So here it is! [LINE] Many people believe in a higher being, God, or even multiple gods. Myself however, do not. I have been an Atheist for 2 years now, and don't plan on changing my views. But, obviously, it was not always like that.
My father is Irish and like most Irish people, is a Roman Catholic. My mother however, is Anglican. As a child I was baptized an Anglican in a small, quaint little white church, St James Leitrim. I was a typical good girl, *cough cough* and was dragged to church almost every Sunday. I did what I was told and I found it only natural to believe. "It's what people do" I thought. Actually, my faith was becoming quite strong, through the help of my friends in the congregation. Especially through the late Father (Uncle) Frank Lawler. However, Ironically, the death of my beloved Uncle Frank was just another step on the path of Atheism.
It all started about early 1998. My grandfather, my mothers' father, was diagnosed with bladder cancer. It was a very long and hard year. Originally, we thought he may make it through it, because mid-year he seemed to be getting better. As they say, there is a peak before the valley. Once again, he began to fall very ill, worse than before. He couldn't do anything without aid. Sitting up was work for him. On February 7th, 1999, my grandfather passed away in his own home. Most of my family believes that he fought to stay alive until Saturday night (the 6th) just so he could see me with my results and ribbons from my swim meet. That night, while holding his hand and watching the hockey game, he was squeezing my hand like never before. It was very painful for an 11 year old girl, but I didn't dare let go. He fell into a coma, and slipped away early the next morning. This was the first death of a very morbid year. After my grandfather or 'Grampa' passed on, four other family members, or close friends-to-the-family died. One of those was my other grandfather.
My dads' father, or 'Poppa' as we called him, was brought into the hoospital by force of my grandfather, 'Granny'. At the time, Poppa was having large headaches that lasted for hours, and was sleeping an abnormal amount because of it. It turned out he had fluid around his brain, as a possible result of hitting his head when falling on an icy laneway. He never said anything because he wanted to go to Switzerland to see my brother play hockey in the olympics. he thought it would be unlikely that they would let him go after an incident such as that. In the summer of 1999, Poppa had brain surgery. The surgery was successful, but soon after this, another blow came to the family. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The next few months were hard. During this period, I was praying at least twice a day. "God, I have already lost four people close to me in that past year. One of them was my Grampa. Please don't take my other grandfather from me." And so on. This situation was much was much different than with my Grampa. Grampa had been living his last few months in his own home, and died in his own bed. My Poppa on the other hand, felt that it would be a burden on the family to stay in the house, and insisted we let him stay in the hospital. He died on January 19th, 2000, in the General Hospital. That makes five people in the course of eleven months. Great way to start the new millenium.
Not long after, a friend of mines mother died. The boy and I had just recently gotten to know eachother well, and I had yet to meet his parents. However, it affected me equally. I was disoriented and fragile. I found it hard to keep my bearings. It also happend that my parents knew my friends parents. That made six.
At this point, I was seriously questioning if there was a God. I had refused to go to church and remained in bed, scribbling depressing poetry into a diary. I now regret that I did. Well ... not go to church anyway. On January 7th, Father or Uncle Frank Lawler passed away. This was shocking. I thought to myself, "How can such a wonderful man, who was so close to God, be so brutally taken away from us?". His son was about to be married, and he would never get to see it. He happened to be one of the few links left I had left to my Grampa; they had been best friends. How cruel can God be I thought. At this point, I was furious with God, and any 'prayers' said by me were basically questioning his reasoning, and almost stating that I hated him. But since I was praying, that meant I still believed. That all changed, on September 11th, 2001.
Sitting in French class, still new to the school, not knowing anyone in the class, and being bored out of my mind, I was awakened by a disgruntled staff member on the P.A. system. "There has been a bombing of the twin towers. They are down." That was it! None of my class had any idea what was going on. At that point, I took out my discman (with much argument with my teacher), turned on the radio, and tuned it to CFRA. All was explained. The terror and fear that went through my body, not to mention anger. Two planes were hijacked, flown into the twin towers in Manhattan. Another had been hijacked, flown into the Pentagon in Washington, and it was rumored to have been heading to the White House. A plane crashed in Pennsylvania, and there was mysterious package on Parliament Hill. I cried almost all day, and was holding and rocking myself nervously. That was the end. On that day, when so many people walked into churches, I (in a figurative sense) walked out. In my mind, there is no was that such a hideous thing would be allowed if there is some almighty power above us. Also, I found that religion itself to be contradictory to almost all of my strong moral beliefs. The men who flew these planes into the building, thought that they were going to get into heaven by killing 2000 innocent, unarmed people. No way.
A while after 9/11, I did 'shop' around for religion, and the only on that intrigued me was Buddhism. After reading through it me thoroughly, I realized that for me to be a Buddhist, I would need to meditate for hours on end. I don't have time for that. Now, I believe in a scientific theory which connects the conscious human mind, to the sleeping/dreaming mind, to your afterlife. If you understand your dreams, you can understand and improve your life and even, you afterlife.
There are, of course, other reasons for my conversion. Such as how much the bible contradicts itself and says for humans to do some of the most illogical things. I am also very pro-gay rights and pro-choice. The Catholic church is so judgmental. I (sadly) quote Maude Flanders/Matt Groening. [i]"I was at bible camp. I was learning how to be more judgmental."[/i]. There is no way that an all powerful, all accepting God would discriminate against so many people. Also, if he's so forgiving, why was man kicked out of the Garden of Eden in the first place? Couldn't they have just begged for forgiveness like Catholics today? I am, of course, fighting a battle that will most likely never end, and am opening a door to endless debates. But that's not what this paper is about now is it? There are more reasons, but the rest are much more personal, and I do not wish to share them. I never have.
In the end, I really have no problem with religion. As long as people do not try to force them on me. I try my best to respect peoples religion and beliefs as much as I can, hoping they will do the same for me in return. I find religion fascinating, and a great link to the past, which is why I have chosen to take this course. [LINE] That it for today. The SEARS fest went up this afternoon at school. IT WAS AWESOME!! Good job to Geoff, Chris, Brett and Ari!
ttfn
-=blacknaiad=-
posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 02.26.04 (3:23 am)
I agree with everything ni that essay. And SEARS WAS AMAZING!!!!!!
I really am sorry that all of that happened to you. When people find out you are an atheist, do they have any idea why? Or do they look down on you, assuming you're a contrary anarchist punk who just wants to go against everything? That would be really unfair, because what happened to you would probably make a lot of people not believe.
Reply to: steelmagnolia
Yeah, most people are like, "meh heh, way to be a moron" But I'm used to it. Like I said in the essay, if people respect my beliefs, I'll respect theirs. And thanks for the sympathy :)
A long time ago, I said I'd post my religions essay explaining my religious beliefs. Well it had been deleted off my hard drive, and I finally remembered to bring the hard copy home from school. So here it is!