Well there are a few developments today, which just occured when I read my friends blogs.
Mal has cut her wrists again :( (malibu87). God! I want to help her! I'm not sure if she's still grounded or even which house she's at, so all I could do was respond to her post: (by the way, this will make alot more sense if you read her blog)
[i]Mal. What can I say. All I know is that you're going through tough times, though it may not seem that way on the surface. I know you know that if you ever want help you're welcome to come to me for it, but I want to re-enforce it. You're welcome at my house any time. Remember, if you go, I go too. I love you. You're the sister I never had. I'm going to do everything in my power to help you through this. And don't forget. There are tonnes of people who love you and value your friendship, love, and life. THAT makes you human. *hug and love*[/i]
I'm hoping that will make her a little happier until Monday morning. And like I said in my response, if she goes, I go too. If it wasn't for her, I'd be dead now anyway. If I hadn't of spent new years eve with her, I'd be dead. I had the advil ready and everything. I love her, and I don't want any more pain to come to her.
Also, Sarah (Almightyblah) cut herself today. She says she feels like she no longer has any friends because Colin doesn't like her because she's "too depressed" and Steve ... well she still loves him. Trust me Sarah, I know that feeling all too well. My response to her post was: (I'll post Chris' too, it'll make more sense that way.)
[i]Ozmosis: Sarah, it is not true that everyone hates you. I can't speak for all, but I happen to enjoy having your friendship. Also if anyone doesn't want you at Andrew's, then I don't want them there, 'cause I prefer your company to alot of the others, i.e. Colin. Any problem with him you have doesn't reflect on the groups feeling toward you, alot of us don't like him. Plus, self-mutilation is unnecessary if you're doing it 'cause you think none cares. 'Cause I care. I always care. If you need a friend, I am always here for you. Just so you know, I'm your friend.
Blacknaiad: Sarah, I totally concur with Chris. If it wasn't for the whole psychic link, I would say more stuff, but the truth is, he pretty much summed up exactly how I feel. If I didn't want you as a friend, do you think that I'd have dragged you to Montreal two days ago? No, I don't think so! As Chris said, I cannot speak for all, but both Chris and I enjoy your company and value your friendship!! *hug and love*[/i]
She responded to Chris' post earlier, saying it made her feel a lot better. So yeah. Now I'm hoping no one does anything stupid tonight. :? :(
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Other than that I've decided that since each Sunday for me is usually petty uneventful, I'll post something anaylising life, or just random survey posts. Today's topic will be love.
Love, by definition is:
[i]A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. [/i]
or
[i]A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. [/i]
The way things have been going lately, I'm beginning to think that it's all a load of bullshit. At least for me. I don't want any of you kids in happy relationship going to re-think everything and this make you break up. I'm just thinking now that there's no way in hell that I'll ever find "the one". It's just not possible. I don't deserve it. And besides that, no one takes a second glance at me, let alone a first glance. No one deserves to have me as a burden in their life for any amount of time. Talk to my ex boyfriend about that one, he'll agree.
I'll think I'm in love, and that nothing can knock me down, then it comes up and bites me in the arse. And this isn't just in relationships, friendships too. There are the back stabbers (I'm sure we all know a few of those), those you think you know, but you don't, and those friends that you don't think you deserve at all because of how absolutely amazing they are.
I just wish I could find a happy medium. My life is currently an emotional teeter-totter. The days that I'm up, all my friends are down, so down I come. And the days I'm down, I make myself feel worse, knowing that I'm making people around me feel like shit (And Chris too, I could be in Cambodia, and he'd know I was feeling like shit.)
Also, love blinds you, therefore enabling you to make bad judgement calls. I still believe that I would still be with Geoff right now if it was not for some stupid judgement calls I made. That will bug me every day, probably for the rest of my life.
In the end, my life goal up to this point has been to find my true love. I realize that it's not possible. For me. I'll likely grow old and alone in a house with a lot of cats, with a rocking chair and rifle on the front porch.
probably the best advice given to me would be "dont go looking for love, or you'll only dissapoint yourself. let love come to you." we shouldnt stress so much - we're only teenagers in high school. we have the rest of our lives to find "the one". right now we should just have fun and be care-free. i know that's a lot easier said than done... but it's true; you just have to believe it is. *hugs*
posted by: Ozmosis (reply)
post date: 02.09.04 (1:00 pm)
Hey, come on. I've lost count of the glances if taken at you for Christ's sake. You're not a burden in anyone's life, and if you are, then they're the ones not worth your time. By the way, I'm legally changing my name to either a lot of cats, a rocking chair or rifle.
Well there are a few developments today, which just occured when I read my friends blogs.